This was it the day I had been waiting my whole life. The day I would finally go and see the great pyramids. I was so excited. After informing the Taxi I was only going to pay 30 not 60 pounds for the taxi we arrived, being greeted by a million people all trying to sell us guides, camels and horses. Seeing as it was the Pyramids we agreed on one man who could speak English to sort us out. We got 2 camels and 2 guides, something I didn’t want but I had no choice because they changed all the rules while we were up on the camels, took our money and refusing to let us down. It wasn’t too bad though or else I would have rioted but I didn’t want to spoil the day. The two guides shared our camels which was making me absolutely furious. I was at the back behind some greasy man and the saddle was sticking into my spine. I was also on a very sick camel. So I was in a really fowl mood when we got to the pyramids and I couldn’t enjoy it at all. Something I regret now. I would do things so much differently now.
We got to the 4th largest pyramid and there was a guy, “DO you want to climb the Pyramid?”
“Yes I would love to” I said starting on my way.
“US$100.”
“WHAT!?”
“Ok 95.”
“No thanks we will give it a miss.”
“Ok what do you want to pay?”
“Nothing.”
“Not nothing, how much?”
“We will give it a miss thanks”, I said walking away.
He started getting real desperate and I am sure he would have taken hardly any money at all but I couldn’t believe how cheeky he had tried to be and the guide was being annoying and looking at his watch.
On the way back I told the guy I wanted to walk instead of being on this stupid sick camel which was giving me a sore back.
We were coming back with horses at Sunset anyway so I knew I could enjoy the time then.
He then took us to a Papyrus making shop and we watched how they make papyrus. None of them were very good and they were mostly of various Egyptians gods so we couldn’t really buy any for our families so we asked to go somewhere else. He took us somewhere else but it was also not so good. Terry had shown us some he had purchased and they were really quite good and the ones we were shown were really dodgy.
Hannah finally found one she liked.
“How much?”
“600 pounds”
“That’s way too much, how about 150?” He laughed hysterically.
“No chance do you know this lasts for 4000 years?”
“No, but can I have it for 150 still?”
“No 550 at the least.” He counter offered.
After much haggling she finally agreed on 250 pounds. I pulled her aside before she could shake on it. He started rolling it up and packing it anyway.
“Do you know its AUS$65?” for something you are not toally happy with. That’s more than our daily budget.” I said to her quietly out of hearing.
“What? I thought it was AUS$6.50! Wait I don’t what it anymore.”
“Well he is going to go crazy if we don’t buy it, so we kind of have to now, but don’t pay more than 200 for it”
So in the end we got it for 200 and even then the man was furious at us. I do wish though that I had bought one but we didn’t have time to go to more and the guide was getting angry because if the first shop realized he had taken us somewhere else he would have gotten in big trouble.
Later that afternoon the guide took us to his house and cooked us a nice falafel and then at sunset he arranged some horses. It was getting way too late and we were going to miss the sunset so we couldn’t haggle as much about the price, something he no doubt did on purpose. Also for another reason I will explain later. So we got 3 horses. The guide had brought his friend and I had assumed he was just going to wait for us. I jumped on my horse and the guide on his and Hannah on hers.
I looked at the sun which had already nearly set and we were nowhere near the pyramids so I said can we hurry so he grabbed my reigns and we galloped. Mean while back with Hannah I couldn’t do all that much when the friend jumped up on Hannah’s horse and rode it with her, copping numerous feels the whole time. I didn’t know this though because I was far ahead trying to get the sunset.
When they finally arrived well after the sun had set I tried to extricate her from the situation but he was behaving when I was around and didn’t know till later the whole story so didn’t try all that forcefully.So in the end for the day which was supposed to be really good I was left feeling cheated and a little disappointed a the whole thing. I just wanted to explore at my own pace and get real close to the Pyramids and touch the big ones and all but I never had the chance because the guide was quite annoying.
Our first point of call was the Egyptian museum. We had a look around and saw Tutankhamen’s mask and some of his treasures but we couldn’t take pictures. I couldn’t even take my camera into the museum or else I would have just risked it. It would have been worth it. It really is quite absolutely amazing.
“Mika see why don’t you give girls something like that?” Hannah often pointed out at various priceless artifacts. “She would love you for sure if you did.” She is often full of helpful tips in picking up women.
After the museum we attempted to go and find Cairo’s famous markets. After an absolute mission getting directed all over the place we finally found what looked like a market place. Hannah was feeling really ill by this stage but she pushed on like a trooper.
“Hey Hannah there is a big building and it looks like markets inside.” I said directing her into the shed. Only problem it was a meat market filled with meat hanging up in various stages of putrid rotting with flies swarming over everything.
One man greeted us clutching a cow’s hoof, playing with its tendons making its toes dance about. “Hello, Welcome to Cairo, where you from?”
Hannah dry retched and ran for the exit.
“I don’t think there was anything we would have wanted from in there?” I kindly pointed out to her so she didn’t think we missed out on anything.
We walked around for a while looking for something to eat but thinking of how they sell meat had turned us both instantly into vegetarians. At least while in Egypt anyway. There was also the problem of it being Ramadan and no shops or restaurants being open. I was ready to eat the cow’s hoof raw by the time the sun went down and people could eat and sell food.
Before then though we met up with Terry again and we all wanted to go to this market area which was promised as being were people sold everything from stuffed animals to well anything else illegal like cobra’s, hyena’s etc. As we got to the bottom of our hostel we were met by a man, “Oh hey guys been looking for you.”
“Do we know you?”
“Yeah the hostel owner wanted me to catch up with you and help you out.”
“Oh ok well do you know how we can get to the market?”
“Oh I am so sorry guys, its Ramadan so its closed now.” He alleged.
“Oh darn”
“Hey don’t worry guys I can show you another one which is just as good and has everything there.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah it is just 20m away,” and he led us away to a small shop filled with touristy stuff.
By the time we got ourselves away, which is pretty hard to do, it was too late to go to the markets because Terry had to catch a bus back to Dahab.We found out later the markets never closed and the guy had just lied to us, gasp!
The bus to Cairo was overbooked so we had to play a bit of musical chairs to get seats.
At the 2 or 3 stops made when we got off and came back on someone else had taken our seats and refused to move. Being able to speak absolutely no Arabic we couldn’t do much about it.
Finally we found our allotted seats which were occupied by 2 sleeping men who showed absolutely no desire to wake up.
“Errrhmmm.”
“ZZZzzzzzz”
“Excuse me.” A poke.
“zzzzzz….”
A harder poke. All we got in response was a mumble and him rolling over.
“I know you awake.”
A fat lady from across the isle interrupts, “Hello”
“Oh, Hi. These are our seats and they are in them.”
“Oh yes I know, You know what?”
“What” I asked.
“I was in a bus once.” I listened in eagerly, “and someone was in my seat.” This was it she was going to help us, “and they didn’t move.”
‘Yes, yes’ I thought, “And then what did you do?” I asked.
“What?”
“What did you do about it?”
“About what?” she asked.
“About the man in your seat.”
“Oh nothing he just didn’t move.”
After that fat lot of help someone else came and gave the men a good shove, yelled at them in Arabic and they got up and moved somewhere else.
At the bus stop we went to a taxi driver, “Youth Hostel thanks.”
“Oh I am sorry the youth hostel closed down.”
“Ok the other youth hostel.”
“Oh yes well it is dirty and no one goes there but I can help, I can take you to a very good, very cheap hotel.”
“No thanks” I said knowing full well how dodgy the taxi drivers are.
On the bus we had met an English man called Terry and he explained to us about how someone in Dahab had organized someone to come and pick him up and take him to a hotel in central Cairo. We decided to tag along seeing as we had no set plans and getting a taxi was such a trying experience.
“Hello, welcome, what’s your name, where you from?” Terry’s tour guide greeted us.
After the pleasantries and bargaining we had ourselves a deal for a room.
“Ok come with me” At this Hannah shuddered quite a lot, “I have a taxi for us.”
At the Taxi the ‘friendly’ guide comes to us, “You have to pay for the Taxi.” Well actually Terry has already paid for the Taxi”
“Yes but he only paid for himself not for everyone.” Not wanting to make a fuss I just stood there. “its 30 pounds for you, 15 each”
“I am not paying more than 15 for us both sorry.”
“No 30.”
Still not wantinig to make a fuss, I just stood there silently contemplating whether to get another Taxi and another hostel somewhere else. Finally he relented and graciously said, “Ok 15 then I will pay the other 15 myself, out of my own pocket, with my own money.”
“Oh you’re too kind” I replied.
Once at the hostel I handed the Taxi driver 15 pound. He didn’t take any from the guide. Dodgy fellow had tried to make a profit from us 2 times over. First by making Terry pay and then by charging us twice the price, to double his profits. I instantly didn’t like the slimy bastard.
But seeing as we were there and quite exhausted after our bus ride we agreed to stay there anyway. He tried to get us to do some of his ‘cheap’ tours but we didn’t knowing he was ripping us off. It baffles me how people like that don’t realize that if you do a good deal people will talk and then more people will come to your hostel and then you will get busy and get more business and you will be happier knowing that you are making other people happy as well instead of being a lying cheating person and trying to trick people out of money. Only thing I can think of is that they don’t actually like the tourist infidel and it gives them lots of pleasure being horrible to them. Something probably not good for someone in the hospitality industry.
There were many instances where he tried hard to rip us off, so many I cant even remember half of them.
“Would you like a drink of water?”
I look around suspiciously, think about it for a bit wondering what the scam is, “No thanks.”
“OK your loss.”
“How much is it?”
“4 pound” he mumbled in return.
It was 2 pound for 1.5lt but he was trying to sell us a glass of what I suspect was tap water for 4 pounds.
“Free breakfast.” He also said.
Nothing is for free so I was instantly suspicious. This time I had no reason to be so skeptical; there was breakfast in the morning. It consisted of stale bread and used tea bags and a bit of out of date jam.
That Terry and I went for a walk. Hannah was feeling sick so she didn’t come with us. We wanted to get to the river Nile to get our first look of such a famous river. Only problem was there was a main road separating us from getting near it.
“How do we cross this?” I asked Terry.
“I have no idea there seems to be no let up.”
“They are absolutely crazy flying past this fast and so close.” I observed.
“Oh I know.”
“Oh look there is someone crossing now, watch how he does it.”
“He is going to die!” We watched on horrified as a lady just steps out and enters the fray without even considering what she was doing. Cars started honking even more than usual and whisking past her missing by inches swerving all over the shop trying to avoid her. She gets across unharmed and unfazed.
“I think we just have to step out.” I stated.
“Ok you go first I will follow you.” He said.
I took a few big breaths, shook my head, limbered up, stretched, made to go hoping that Terry would go out first thinking I was going out and then I could follow him. No such luck he didn’t fall for that scam so it was up to me. I stepped out petrified and ran back to the curb as a car came whiskinig past barely missing me.
“Oh that was so close.” Terry pointed out.
My heart rate was about 220. “Yes quite, wasn’t it.”
Seeing as I had nothing to lose except my life I tried again in what looked like a little break. I got half way without opening my eyes just praying that the drivers could see in the dark that I was there even though Egyptians use the lights soly to flash other drivers coming in the other direction and not to see in the dark, go figure. Half way I looked at the oncoming cars and watched with pleasure as the parted for me. I was a god, and they were the Red Sea and just by standing there I could part them at will. Still I jumped forward and scrambled the rest of the way across.
“Oh that was fun.” I said still trembling. I couldn’t fool myself, I wasn’t really a god?
Terry looked quite breathless himself.
“Now we have to get back later.”
“Lets not think about it.”
By the end of the night I was an expert. I was dashing between the traffic without a care in the world, having the time of my life.
“Terry we should cross that road again just for the rush.”
“Oh no thanks Mika.”
Near the end of the night I was getting quite fearless. I didn’t even stop at the curb. I just walked out put my hand out in front of my indicating to the cars that I was coming and that they should move for me. I got a bit of a fright when two cars converged on me and came together getting closer and closer. I had to stop turn to the side with my feet. The car in front whisked past hitting my belt which was hanging down protruding the most in that direction while the car behind thumped into my camera hanging from my back. It was a bit of a wake up call that’s for sure.
“Did you see that!” Terry asked.
“Both of them touched me!” I screamed.
“I know it was crazy!”
I couldn’t say much for a bit after that.
No one I tell seems to get the picture about how crazy it actually was. They just say ‘oh yeah right sure Mika you are still here so it couldn’t have been all that bad’.
At the 2 or 3 stops made when we got off and came back on someone else had taken our seats and refused to move. Being able to speak absolutely no Arabic we couldn’t do much about it.
Finally we found our allotted seats which were occupied by 2 sleeping men who showed absolutely no desire to wake up.
“Errrhmmm.”
“ZZZzzzzzz”
“Excuse me.” A poke.
“zzzzzz….”
A harder poke. All we got in response was a mumble and him rolling over.
“I know you awake.”
A fat lady from across the isle interrupts, “Hello”
“Oh, Hi. These are our seats and they are in them.”
“Oh yes I know, You know what?”
“What” I asked.
“I was in a bus once.” I listened in eagerly, “and someone was in my seat.” This was it she was going to help us, “and they didn’t move.”
‘Yes, yes’ I thought, “And then what did you do?” I asked.
“What?”
“What did you do about it?”
“About what?” she asked.
“About the man in your seat.”
“Oh nothing he just didn’t move.”
After that fat lot of help someone else came and gave the men a good shove, yelled at them in Arabic and they got up and moved somewhere else.
At the bus stop we went to a taxi driver, “Youth Hostel thanks.”
“Oh I am sorry the youth hostel closed down.”
“Ok the other youth hostel.”
“Oh yes well it is dirty and no one goes there but I can help, I can take you to a very good, very cheap hotel.”
“No thanks” I said knowing full well how dodgy the taxi drivers are.
On the bus we had met an English man called Terry and he explained to us about how someone in Dahab had organized someone to come and pick him up and take him to a hotel in central Cairo. We decided to tag along seeing as we had no set plans and getting a taxi was such a trying experience.
“Hello, welcome, what’s your name, where you from?” Terry’s tour guide greeted us.
After the pleasantries and bargaining we had ourselves a deal for a room.
“Ok come with me” At this Hannah shuddered quite a lot, “I have a taxi for us.”
At the Taxi the ‘friendly’ guide comes to us, “You have to pay for the Taxi.” Well actually Terry has already paid for the Taxi”
“Yes but he only paid for himself not for everyone.” Not wanting to make a fuss I just stood there. “its 30 pounds for you, 15 each”
“I am not paying more than 15 for us both sorry.”
“No 30.”
Still not wantinig to make a fuss, I just stood there silently contemplating whether to get another Taxi and another hostel somewhere else. Finally he relented and graciously said, “Ok 15 then I will pay the other 15 myself, out of my own pocket, with my own money.”
“Oh you’re too kind” I replied.
Once at the hostel I handed the Taxi driver 15 pound. He didn’t take any from the guide. Dodgy fellow had tried to make a profit from us 2 times over. First by making Terry pay and then by charging us twice the price, to double his profits. I instantly didn’t like the slimy bastard.
But seeing as we were there and quite exhausted after our bus ride we agreed to stay there anyway. He tried to get us to do some of his ‘cheap’ tours but we didn’t knowing he was ripping us off. It baffles me how people like that don’t realize that if you do a good deal people will talk and then more people will come to your hostel and then you will get busy and get more business and you will be happier knowing that you are making other people happy as well instead of being a lying cheating person and trying to trick people out of money. Only thing I can think of is that they don’t actually like the tourist infidel and it gives them lots of pleasure being horrible to them. Something probably not good for someone in the hospitality industry.
There were many instances where he tried hard to rip us off, so many I cant even remember half of them.
“Would you like a drink of water?”
I look around suspiciously, think about it for a bit wondering what the scam is, “No thanks.”
“OK your loss.”
“How much is it?”
“4 pound” he mumbled in return.
It was 2 pound for 1.5lt but he was trying to sell us a glass of what I suspect was tap water for 4 pounds.
“Free breakfast.” He also said.
Nothing is for free so I was instantly suspicious. This time I had no reason to be so skeptical; there was breakfast in the morning. It consisted of stale bread and used tea bags and a bit of out of date jam.
That Terry and I went for a walk. Hannah was feeling sick so she didn’t come with us. We wanted to get to the river Nile to get our first look of such a famous river. Only problem was there was a main road separating us from getting near it.
“How do we cross this?” I asked Terry.
“I have no idea there seems to be no let up.”
“They are absolutely crazy flying past this fast and so close.” I observed.
“Oh I know.”
“Oh look there is someone crossing now, watch how he does it.”
“He is going to die!” We watched on horrified as a lady just steps out and enters the fray without even considering what she was doing. Cars started honking even more than usual and whisking past her missing by inches swerving all over the shop trying to avoid her. She gets across unharmed and unfazed.
“I think we just have to step out.” I stated.
“Ok you go first I will follow you.” He said.
I took a few big breaths, shook my head, limbered up, stretched, made to go hoping that Terry would go out first thinking I was going out and then I could follow him. No such luck he didn’t fall for that scam so it was up to me. I stepped out petrified and ran back to the curb as a car came whiskinig past barely missing me.
“Oh that was so close.” Terry pointed out.
My heart rate was about 220. “Yes quite, wasn’t it.”
Seeing as I had nothing to lose except my life I tried again in what looked like a little break. I got half way without opening my eyes just praying that the drivers could see in the dark that I was there even though Egyptians use the lights soly to flash other drivers coming in the other direction and not to see in the dark, go figure. Half way I looked at the oncoming cars and watched with pleasure as the parted for me. I was a god, and they were the Red Sea and just by standing there I could part them at will. Still I jumped forward and scrambled the rest of the way across.
“Oh that was fun.” I said still trembling. I couldn’t fool myself, I wasn’t really a god?
Terry looked quite breathless himself.
“Now we have to get back later.”
“Lets not think about it.”
By the end of the night I was an expert. I was dashing between the traffic without a care in the world, having the time of my life.
“Terry we should cross that road again just for the rush.”
“Oh no thanks Mika.”
Near the end of the night I was getting quite fearless. I didn’t even stop at the curb. I just walked out put my hand out in front of my indicating to the cars that I was coming and that they should move for me. I got a bit of a fright when two cars converged on me and came together getting closer and closer. I had to stop turn to the side with my feet. The car in front whisked past hitting my belt which was hanging down protruding the most in that direction while the car behind thumped into my camera hanging from my back. It was a bit of a wake up call that’s for sure.
“Did you see that!” Terry asked.
“Both of them touched me!” I screamed.
“I know it was crazy!”
I couldn’t say much for a bit after that.
No one I tell seems to get the picture about how crazy it actually was. They just say ‘oh yeah right sure Mika you are still here so it couldn’t have been all that bad’.
The day we got our certifications. It was a very exciting day for us all. We took some nice underwater pictures and went down to 18m deep. We were now certified Open Water divers. I talked to Heidi that night on msn.
“Heidi you are a Scuba instructor, is having Asthma really all that bad?”
“YES”
”Are you sure I was alright.” I pointed out.
“Well it very dangerous, with asthma you can have blocked airways and air can get trapped in there and expand or compress and you can get a lung rupture or collapse.” She lectured.
“Errrmmm. I guess it is quite bad isn’t it.” I said a bit inanely.
Now I am a bit worried about diving again. I should be alright at 20m depth because pressure is only 3 times normal and you cant do much damage there I wouldn’t think. Well that’s my self diagnosis anyway.
“Heidi you are a Scuba instructor, is having Asthma really all that bad?”
“YES”
”Are you sure I was alright.” I pointed out.
“Well it very dangerous, with asthma you can have blocked airways and air can get trapped in there and expand or compress and you can get a lung rupture or collapse.” She lectured.
“Errrmmm. I guess it is quite bad isn’t it.” I said a bit inanely.
Now I am a bit worried about diving again. I should be alright at 20m depth because pressure is only 3 times normal and you cant do much damage there I wouldn’t think. Well that’s my self diagnosis anyway.
Next day was our first open water dives. Wienna’s lady friend was coming with us. Hannah was so excited.
“You see Wienna doesn’t have a ring but she does! Oh what could it mean? Oh, Oh did you see she says boyfriend and he says wife. I bet he is having an affair. So much juicy gossip Mika!”
“Yeah nice Hannah” I said bored. That night when she was talking to Ariane on msn she chatted for ages about all the gossip she had. Ariane then asked how many people were in our scuba group. She replied “3.”
“Is that including you two?” I don’t know how women can do it. From one person glean so much exciting gossip without even speaking to them.
Anyway back to our first dive. It was our first dive so we had a buddy system going. Hannah was my buddy. One of the first rules we learnt as not to overexert yourself and stick with your buddy. The first was very important to me because I didn’t want to get asthma. Breathing underwater was hard enough as it was without trying to force more air in. So Hannah when the reins were loosed started kicking furiously towards all the coral and powering along. I tried to keep up and Ya Man kept getting angry at me for not sticking with my buddy. Hannah was oblivious to everything so I pointed out this massive Barracuda and told her to take a picture of it so she might get bitten and allow me to catch up. Unfortunately someone pulled her away from it.
When we got out, “Oh I had the most amazing time Mika!!! Did you see all the coral? I saw some fish and sea horse and yellow fish…”
“Well I could have liked to see some stuff but I was trying to keep up with you too much. When I did you would twist and 3 times you kicked my regulator from my mouth.”
“Oh I didn’t even realize, I didn’t even see you.”
“You’re my Buddy! You’re the worst buddy in the whole world! You didn’t even see me.” I pointed out.
“Well I was too busy looking at the fishes.” She stated.
“I guess it is too much to ask if you noticed me when you hit me on the head twice with your big metal tank?” No such luck there either.The next dive I had an extra appendage. One called Hannah. I don’t think she strayed more than about 5cm from me at the very most. She was too good a buddy.
“You see Wienna doesn’t have a ring but she does! Oh what could it mean? Oh, Oh did you see she says boyfriend and he says wife. I bet he is having an affair. So much juicy gossip Mika!”
“Yeah nice Hannah” I said bored. That night when she was talking to Ariane on msn she chatted for ages about all the gossip she had. Ariane then asked how many people were in our scuba group. She replied “3.”
“Is that including you two?” I don’t know how women can do it. From one person glean so much exciting gossip without even speaking to them.
Anyway back to our first dive. It was our first dive so we had a buddy system going. Hannah was my buddy. One of the first rules we learnt as not to overexert yourself and stick with your buddy. The first was very important to me because I didn’t want to get asthma. Breathing underwater was hard enough as it was without trying to force more air in. So Hannah when the reins were loosed started kicking furiously towards all the coral and powering along. I tried to keep up and Ya Man kept getting angry at me for not sticking with my buddy. Hannah was oblivious to everything so I pointed out this massive Barracuda and told her to take a picture of it so she might get bitten and allow me to catch up. Unfortunately someone pulled her away from it.
When we got out, “Oh I had the most amazing time Mika!!! Did you see all the coral? I saw some fish and sea horse and yellow fish…”
“Well I could have liked to see some stuff but I was trying to keep up with you too much. When I did you would twist and 3 times you kicked my regulator from my mouth.”
“Oh I didn’t even realize, I didn’t even see you.”
“You’re my Buddy! You’re the worst buddy in the whole world! You didn’t even see me.” I pointed out.
“Well I was too busy looking at the fishes.” She stated.
“I guess it is too much to ask if you noticed me when you hit me on the head twice with your big metal tank?” No such luck there either.The next dive I had an extra appendage. One called Hannah. I don’t think she strayed more than about 5cm from me at the very most. She was too good a buddy.
Next morning woke me up as always real early. She had been so excited about diving she barely slept a wink I don’t think.
“Ok ya, today we will do our first dives, ya.”
“YA” we both nod furiously.
“So get your gear ya, and lets go ya.”
First day we did 3 underwater dives. I used less air than anyone which goes to show how unscared I was. Wienna boy used his in about 15 minutes and had to share mine for the last bit of the first dive because he was breathing so much. Hannah was quite good though and only used a slight more than me.
If you know me you would know I don’t like to boast at all but I must say that I was the star performer of the day. I mean I got all the tricks and skills first go real quick and I always had to go first so I only got to see what to do once and also couldn’t see how you could go wrong. Hannah was ok and Wienna was quite useless.
On the way back Hannah somehow lost her flipper and didn’t realize for quite a while and had to go and swim back and get it.
Next dive Hannah had gotten control and used exactly the same amount of air as me. Something I was a bit annoyed at. I didn’t want her to be as comfortable as me. I wanted her to be scared so I could tease her.
Last dive we had to remove our weight belt and Hannah dropped hers and floated to the surface which was amusing for everyone but her. On the way back she repeated her lost flipper routine. Ya instructor man couldn’t believe it.
“Ok ya, today we will do our first dives, ya.”
“YA” we both nod furiously.
“So get your gear ya, and lets go ya.”
First day we did 3 underwater dives. I used less air than anyone which goes to show how unscared I was. Wienna boy used his in about 15 minutes and had to share mine for the last bit of the first dive because he was breathing so much. Hannah was quite good though and only used a slight more than me.
If you know me you would know I don’t like to boast at all but I must say that I was the star performer of the day. I mean I got all the tricks and skills first go real quick and I always had to go first so I only got to see what to do once and also couldn’t see how you could go wrong. Hannah was ok and Wienna was quite useless.
On the way back Hannah somehow lost her flipper and didn’t realize for quite a while and had to go and swim back and get it.
Next dive Hannah had gotten control and used exactly the same amount of air as me. Something I was a bit annoyed at. I didn’t want her to be as comfortable as me. I wanted her to be scared so I could tease her.
Last dive we had to remove our weight belt and Hannah dropped hers and floated to the surface which was amusing for everyone but her. On the way back she repeated her lost flipper routine. Ya instructor man couldn’t believe it.
We woke up, Hannah as always earlier than me, and headed out looking for breakfast.
“Where do you think we should have breakfast?”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thank you, I don’t know is that place alright?”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thanks, It looks ok.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Thanks Mate, There isn’t much to chose from.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Taxi, I know its only a small town.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thanks we can walk the 200m from one side of the town to the other.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“Nope. You know there are more Taxi’s than people here.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Taxi mate, its crazy.”
Anywhere we walked on the road someone would come to a halt and yell out Taxi hopefully before driving up the next person walking along and asking them.
We had to get some money so after breakfast we looked around for some ATM. We found plenty but as luck would have it none of them worked. We had bills to pay because the Egyptians are not the trusting type so mostly you have to pay up front for everything. We finally managed to get some but it took all morning and was a total nightmare.
Once back our hostel manager met us and asked us if we wanted to do a diving course. We had made up our minds that it was probably too expensive so we weren’t going to do it. We had nothing to lose though by checking out the prices. In London we had been quoted about 250pounds for a course but when we got to this Diving school we managed to bargain down we could get it for 180 euros. Much cheaper. We said we would think about it and walked to every diving school in Dahab, which is a lot, and no one was cheaper.
That afternoon we went out to this place called the blue hole. It was totally amazing. Right up against the shore is a coral drop off which goes down to 80m deep! The water is really clear and the fish and coral are absolutely amazing. I snorkeled down to about 10m deep at one stage and was swimming with the scuba divers. I couldn’t go any deeper though because my ears were on fire.
After that we decided to do a scuba course.
“We would like to do a Scuba course.”
“Ok fill in these medical forms.”
“Sure no worries”
“Oh you have to answer no to all the questions.”
First question. Do you or have you suffered from Asthma. DOH! I leave it blank. Do you suffer from allergies. DOH, I say no. Not going to be many cats under water. Or grass pollen. The rest I was fine with. My nervous twitch and random acts of falling to the ground and thrashing about wasn’t really all that bad. I mean after a few minutes I am usually alright.
As I hand back the form I hoped he didn’t notice my blank space.
“You missed a question.”
“Oh yeah that one, I sort of have asthma. Not all the bad, I mean I haven’t had it in a while.” I wheezed.
He saw the cash drifting away from him fast and he didn’t like it.
“Well I’ll call the doctor and see what he says then.”
I sit around breathing as normally as possible, shoo-ing the cats from my feet and trying not to stir any dust up so my breathing would be totally normal.
“Have you had asthma lately.” He asks first.
“Well kinda about 7 days ago but that was only because I had a cold and you know how colds bring out asthma in people. Even when they don’t have it all that bad.” I mean today was Friday and I had asthma ages ago like Wednesday or something.
“Hrmmm.” He pulls out a stethoscope and start examining me and looking in my ears with a rather gross looking ear examiner. He poked around my left ear for a while and it felt a bit like burning. My ears were fine. That time I was surfing and landed on my ear and now I can blow air out of it doesn’t mean anything, does it?
Anyway he asked for 35pounds and cleared me for diving.
The next day we met our instructor.
“You like to dive, ya”
Hannah nudges me and whispers, “we got ourselves a Muller.”
“Yes very much.” We replied.
‘Very good, ya.”
We nodded, it was very good.
“Ya, so to begin with ya, we will do some theory ya, and then after that ya, we will do our first confined water dives, ya”
“Ya” we both said.
We then turned to our fellow student, “So where you from?”
He was a middle aged man, “Wienna”
“Hey that’s sounds like a place I have been to, its in Austria called Vienna”
“Ya, I know I come from dare.”
“No not Wienna, Vienna…”
He shrugged.
For the rest of that day we did our theory.
“Where do you think we should have breakfast?”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thank you, I don’t know is that place alright?”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thanks, It looks ok.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Thanks Mate, There isn’t much to chose from.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Taxi, I know its only a small town.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No thanks we can walk the 200m from one side of the town to the other.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“Nope. You know there are more Taxi’s than people here.”
Screeeech, “TAXI!”
“No Taxi mate, its crazy.”
Anywhere we walked on the road someone would come to a halt and yell out Taxi hopefully before driving up the next person walking along and asking them.
We had to get some money so after breakfast we looked around for some ATM. We found plenty but as luck would have it none of them worked. We had bills to pay because the Egyptians are not the trusting type so mostly you have to pay up front for everything. We finally managed to get some but it took all morning and was a total nightmare.
Once back our hostel manager met us and asked us if we wanted to do a diving course. We had made up our minds that it was probably too expensive so we weren’t going to do it. We had nothing to lose though by checking out the prices. In London we had been quoted about 250pounds for a course but when we got to this Diving school we managed to bargain down we could get it for 180 euros. Much cheaper. We said we would think about it and walked to every diving school in Dahab, which is a lot, and no one was cheaper.
That afternoon we went out to this place called the blue hole. It was totally amazing. Right up against the shore is a coral drop off which goes down to 80m deep! The water is really clear and the fish and coral are absolutely amazing. I snorkeled down to about 10m deep at one stage and was swimming with the scuba divers. I couldn’t go any deeper though because my ears were on fire.
After that we decided to do a scuba course.
“We would like to do a Scuba course.”
“Ok fill in these medical forms.”
“Sure no worries”
“Oh you have to answer no to all the questions.”
First question. Do you or have you suffered from Asthma. DOH! I leave it blank. Do you suffer from allergies. DOH, I say no. Not going to be many cats under water. Or grass pollen. The rest I was fine with. My nervous twitch and random acts of falling to the ground and thrashing about wasn’t really all that bad. I mean after a few minutes I am usually alright.
As I hand back the form I hoped he didn’t notice my blank space.
“You missed a question.”
“Oh yeah that one, I sort of have asthma. Not all the bad, I mean I haven’t had it in a while.” I wheezed.
He saw the cash drifting away from him fast and he didn’t like it.
“Well I’ll call the doctor and see what he says then.”
I sit around breathing as normally as possible, shoo-ing the cats from my feet and trying not to stir any dust up so my breathing would be totally normal.
“Have you had asthma lately.” He asks first.
“Well kinda about 7 days ago but that was only because I had a cold and you know how colds bring out asthma in people. Even when they don’t have it all that bad.” I mean today was Friday and I had asthma ages ago like Wednesday or something.
“Hrmmm.” He pulls out a stethoscope and start examining me and looking in my ears with a rather gross looking ear examiner. He poked around my left ear for a while and it felt a bit like burning. My ears were fine. That time I was surfing and landed on my ear and now I can blow air out of it doesn’t mean anything, does it?
Anyway he asked for 35pounds and cleared me for diving.
The next day we met our instructor.
“You like to dive, ya”
Hannah nudges me and whispers, “we got ourselves a Muller.”
“Yes very much.” We replied.
‘Very good, ya.”
We nodded, it was very good.
“Ya, so to begin with ya, we will do some theory ya, and then after that ya, we will do our first confined water dives, ya”
“Ya” we both said.
We then turned to our fellow student, “So where you from?”
He was a middle aged man, “Wienna”
“Hey that’s sounds like a place I have been to, its in Austria called Vienna”
“Ya, I know I come from dare.”
“No not Wienna, Vienna…”
He shrugged.
For the rest of that day we did our theory.
At 6am my personal alarm clock started beeping, “Mika, Mika, Mika” at ever greater sounds until I was awake then the alarm clock started saying, “You need to pack!” My alarm clock didn’t realize that some of us were actually organized so woke me up 30 minutes early. Seeing as I was up and I wasn’t going to get any more sleep because unfortunately my alarm clock doesn’t have an off button I got up anyway and mooched around.
The initial bus trip to the port of Egypt as different in that we had seemed to have given the Darth monkey butlers the slip. Either that or they didn’t think our cramped, squashy seats on a hot bus for 2hrs was worth it. Needless to say by the end Hannah and I were not speaking to each other.
“Let’s go through Israel.”
“No lets go on the boat, Israeli customs with suck!”
“At least it is quicker!”
“No it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is!”
This went on for a while before a cab driver rescued the situation before nuclear weapons were deployed by informing us the boat left in 2 hrs so we should hurry there if we wanted to go.
He dropped us off at the gate, waving in the general direction of where we had to go and sped off.
“Did you get that?” I asked Hannah.
“No did you?”
“Nope.”
We surveyed our position and trumbled tentatively towards a group of about 12,000 Arab men. We decided against asking the now staring, chattering, leering Arab men for directions and walked into a building full of about 200 staring, chattering, leering Arab men. We then decided not to ask the 200 staring, chattering, leering Arab men for directions either and walked to a counter.
“Excuse me…”
“That counter” he butted in whilst pointing to another counter, so we walked to this ‘other counter’.
“Excuse me …”
“That counter” he interrupted whilst pointing at the very counter we had just came from.
We walked back to the first counter noticed it was now closed and so bounced from counter to counter until someone did something and sold us a ticket to Egypt after paying what I am sure was a blue eye tax. Then we were directed to another counter and made to pay a leaving tax before being directed to another counter to pay a government tax and bounced to a few other tax paying counters until we were sure everyone in the building had taken their slice of the ‘Rich Tourist’ pie.
It was quite exhausting.
“Now we have to go and work out which is our boat.” Hannah groaned and I groaned and walked out in the pleasant company of 12,000 staring, chattering, leering Arab men so we both groaned and walked back to the relative comfort of 200 staring, chattering, leering Arab men.
Inside there was a cute Arab girl about 15 in western clothing staring at us and when I noticed her she came straight up to us and excitedly said ‘Hello’. We exchanged pleasantries and Hannah got her to show her the toilet which she didn’t use in the end because of how putrid it was and seeing as she at least got her there I asked is she knew which boat was going to Egypt and how do you get on it. After her cries of ‘Yes’ she ran off leaving us all alone again.
“Aight man, what ya waitin for?” a man interrupted our silence, “Lets go.”
Bewildered as we were at the fact that a clearly Arab young man was talking like a black American we complied and waited no more and followed him. He walked to the front of 12,000 staring, chattering, leering Arab men. “You got a camera man?”
“Yes” I didn’t see how that affected anything.
“Put your bag at your front man these guys are all thieves, I have US$10,000 in my bag.” Something I never doubted as I got to know him more.
“That’s nice.” I was getting worried by this stage, I mean what black Arab gangster rap man was he, but he did something, maybe slipped the guard a 10er, and got us through to the VIP entrance and we bypassed everyone. The guy wasn’t allowed through with us though and for once I was glad of our blue eye special treatment even though usually it was for the negative. He promised to see us on the boat.
On the boat we were greeted and our passports confiscated. Some man directed us to the deck where we joined about 1000 staring, chattering, leering Arab men. We sat down a touch trepidatiosly grateful it was only a 4hr boat ride to Egypt. 2hrs later and us not even having left the dock, I squeezed my way through the now 3,000 staring, chattering, leering Arab men into the food court where I was met by the little girl and her brother.
There also now another sister and they both screamed when they saw me, “Where is Hannah?” at exactly the same time as the brother, “Dude, hey man, where’s Hannah? This is my 2 sisters, brother and Father and Mother, where are you staying?”
The girls continued, “Where’s Hannah” like a broken down record.
“Where’s Hannah, show me. Do you want a cabin, come with me, want something to eat?”
All that in one big rush so I couldn’t even answer the first question. By now we were also blocking about 100 staring, chattering, leering Arab men and they were screaming at us to get moving, make up my mind, make a decision, and where was Hannah? Anyway I went up and got Hannah and our bags with on of the little girls, Sara, and the brother, Davis.
Hannah was now surrounded by staring, chattering, leering Arab men and some had even plucked up the courage to sit next to her and where in varying stages of trying to stroke her.
“So Hannah I was thinking we should maybe get a cabin for ourselves.”
“GET ME OUT OF HERE.”
“So you think we should think about it?”
“HURRY”
“Ummmm, maybe a good idea I mean there won’t be as many people to talk to but I am sure we might cope.” By this stage though Hannah had packed her bags and was on her way down, avoiding the desperate clutches of every Arab man on the way. At the solo door to the inside of the Ferry was a crowd of about 100 staring, chattering, leering Arab men all fighting to get inside. They were not allowed into the boat but were trying to sneak in. Because we were white folk we were allowed in but no one would get out of our way so we could get through. Davis and Sara had the pleasure of receiving my hat in the eye and my bag squashing against the boat. I couldn’t do anything though because all the men were pushing and shoving. We finally literally fell through the door and the security had to beat, push, and belt the rushing crowd back onto deck.
“Are you sure you want a cabin? We could always go back on the deck and sit in the sun.” I asked Hannah but she was quite sure.
Davis, we soon knew, and his family were Iraqi’s fleeing Iraq. It seemed Davis was in the American army, which explained his VERY American slang which we couldn’t understand and insurgents had captured him and said they would kill him if he didn’t leave Iraq, so now he and his family were going to live in Egypt. They also displayed quite a lot of anger at the whole thing with kids not being able to walk the streets without fear of getting blown up by terrorists. His father had been a diplomat in the Saddam era and quite high up so they were quite wealthy and western probably from the oil for food kickbacks or something. They were really nice though and loved everything American except the people as a whole and leaders. They seemed to like single Americans. All very confusing.
“Don’t trust Egyptians” Davis soon told us. I was a bit skeptical thinking they were probably a bit racist, “I will pay for your cabin for you.” He offered when he found out we didn’t have American dollars which was what he had to use to bribe the Boat staff with to get us a berth.
“Why don’t you have American dollars?” it seemed to baffle them so much that being foreigners we didn’t have American dollars. I tried to explain to him about counters, confusion, staring, chattering, leering Arab men and him being a tornado and whisking us away before we had a chance to change some money but he didn’t understand.
We got in our small cabin and the 2 brothers and 2 sisters all crammed in behind us and then the 2 sisters grabbed Hannah once she had placed her bags somewhere and whirled her away to another cabin in which they resided, screaming, “Come with me!” even though Hannah seemed to be ‘coming’ with them. 2 minutes later Hannah returned clutching various toys and covered in make up. The girls were still crying, “Come with me” regularly even though they were now just standing in the one spot. Next minute we were rushed outside to stand in a private deck area and asked a million questions, told to ‘Come with me’, whisked down to the cafeteria, told not to trust anyone again, bought some food, was not given the correct change, asked to ‘come with me’, had a million photo’s, eaten, got our change finally from the thieving store man, ran around the boat 17 times all at a frantic pace. I soon got some peace and quiet when the girls took Hannah up to Arab man deck again for some reason.
Davis wanted to chat up some rather large Russian girls but I didn’t but went with him to the bar anyway. After 5 minutes he got bored of nothing happening and we went back to the cafeteria to find Hannah.
She told us how the 3 of them threaded their way through the middle of the staring, chattering, leering Arab men up onto deck and started playing one of those clapping games.
Hannah asked, “Is this dangerous?” whilst looking at the leering glances of the man surrounding them licking their lips.
“No” they replied, “Its VERY dangerous” and started giggling with glee and running around in circles.
Hannah figured it prudent to maybe head back to the cafeteria at that stage. On they way back a man grabbed the smallest girl who was 9 years old and asked her something. She refused and when Hannah asked what he had asked she just replied calmly, “He was just sick in the head, nothing much really, he wanted me to go to a private corner with him” and then she giggled again. I guess living in central Baghdad soon taught someone about real danger and dealing with sick disgusting men seemed nothing compared to trying to stay alive so they skipped and laughed through everything else.
At this stage we realized Davis’ phone was missing. Hannah asked the Russian girls if they had seen anything and they said that one of the cabin crew had taken it from our table. So Davis and I walked around the Ferry asking every cabin crew member if they had Davis’s phone. No one seemed to know anything about it though so we went to the Captain.
“One of the crew took my phone.” Davis pointed out.
“Yes, well have you asked them for it?”
“Yes, but no one is saying anything.”
“Well there isn’t much I can do then is there.”
“I’ll give you US$20 if you can get it back.”
“You know what,” The Captain said as if realizing he had suddenly come up with a new idea, “It could possibly be worth me asking them wouldn’t it.”
Sure enough we got it back, but he had had to threaten the staff with strip searches and instant dismissal if they were found with the phone. Davis seemed quite OK with all this. Bribes must be a part of normal life for him.
Once back the ‘come with me’ girls seemed to have even more energy if this was possible. Hannah usually complains to me about having too much energy and needing to burn some off or she is too restless. She sat there looking totally bedraggled and absolutely exhausted. Me being the selfless friend I am had generously given the girls to Hannah so she could burn off a little energy, so when they asked if I wanted to come with them I pointed out that Hannah was just saying she needed another walk around the boat so they should take her. Hannah’s glare was quite hurtful. One of those ones girls reserve for men they don’t like. One they usually practice in front of mirrors at night and when no one was watching, one which would pierce the heart of the unsuspecting victim and cause as much damage as a glare possibly could. I was only trying to help.
“Hannah are you alright?” I asked when she was on route to going back from the stern to the aft of the boat. One of the girls was pulling Hannah’s arm one way while the other was the other way both screaming ‘come with me!’
“Mika, SAVE ME.” She pleaded.
“Come with me!”
“Come with me!”
“I can’t hear you sorry.”
“Come with me!”
“SAVE ME.”
“Come with me!”
”Well, ummm…. What’s that Davis?...”, “Come with me!”, “… You want me to go to the deck…”
“Come with me!”
“Mika!”
“Come with me!”
“Mika, Davis is in his cabin, nowhere near here!” but I was long gone by this stage only having just escaped the clutching hands of one of the ‘come with me’ girls, and the torment it could bring.
We finally retreated to out berth after being rushed around mercilessly for the first time since we had first entered the cabin. We finally got some well deserved rest, our first since getting out of the taxi about 8hrs previously. We were shattered. Lucky for us 5 minutes into our blissful rest we got a knock on the door with someone saying we were at the port and if we wanted to beat the rush we had to come down immediately. It was lucky our mad scramble was necessary because soon the room which could seat about 60 people started filling up with 3 other people, besides the Iraqi’s. We sat around for 2hrs waiting for the boat to eventually actually land, being told to “Come with me!” going from one side of the room to the other continuously.
We still hadn’t got our passports yet so were quite concerned when at the exit a customs man barked, “Passports!”
“We don’t have them! The crew took them.” We had seen first hand exactly how professional the cabin crew were resigning ourselves to a lifetime in an Egyptian prison. I also knew how much everyone wants to go to Australia, who wouldn’t, so was thinking about how one of the crew would be sitting around the next year drinking a tea in Australia joking with his other new friends.
“Look at this passport!”
“hahahah” his friends would laugh.
“Some foolish Australian boy let me take his passport!”
“Oh what a complete sucker” they would jest.
“I know and he just GAVE it to me without any fuss.”
“Hahaha, I bet he is in some Egyptian prison rotting away and getting lots of attention from randy Egyptian murderers.”
This was all something I wanted to void very much. Maybe I had to bribe the Captain to get it back? The Iraqis then came to the rescue and started speaking in rapid Arabic and we were waved through. As we looked back we could see thousands of people all trying to get off the boat but being denied. Some people there had been stuck for 2 days trying to get off every time it landed but had been unlucky in being allowed off. It was lucky the Iraqis had been there to get us off.
We still hadn’t got our passports back and no one seemed to know anything about it when we were ushered onto this bus which rumor soon said was going for a 3hr bus trip somewhere else. Needless to say Hannah and I were freaking right out. It was only a short trip in the end. We got off and everyone got moved into this massive line whilst we were moved right past everyone.
I was glad that we could help the Iraqi’s in the end by saying we needed them to come with us to the front of what looked like at least a 3hr line. It was good getting the recognition I deserved. People doing everything I asked of them, except giving me my passport, moving to the front, if I so wanted I could chose anyone in the crowd and bring them along with me. None seemed to tickle my fancy though as they were mostly licking their lips at the tasty sight of a head scarf-less Western woman who was probably a prostitute.
In the end a very important man seemed to have our passports and after paying for a visa which was probably more like a bribe we got them back. The poor Iraqi’s were lucky we brought them through because there was about 17 semi trailers filled with baggage’s dumping luggage into this area the size of a football pitch with more semi trailers coming. It was like nothing you could ever imagine. Thousands of pieces of luggage sprawled all over the place in no order, on top of each other, mixed all around, total Chaos. It was about 8pm by this stage and seeing as half of the semi trailer drivers were busy sitting around smoking the Iraqis had to unload most of them single handedly so they could find their luggage before the onslaught of 12,000 Egyptian men rushed in searching for their own stuff.
“Davis? Can you please help me?” we asked.
He groaned
“How do we get to Dahab?” Seeing as he was just new to the country and whilst on the boat he had no idea where Dahab even was it seemed like he would be the best person to help us. I mean just because there were 17 semi trailers which needed to be unloaded didn’t mean he shouldn’t have time to find us a taxi and say Dahab for us. Anyway the girls both cried and we said our goodbyes and I am pretty sure the 15 year old had a crush on me. She kept giggling when I looked at her, not that I can blame her. Poor soul, meeting a dashing, rugged, handsome Australian boy full of wit and charm and then having him waltz off away into the sunset, never to be seen again can crush a girl.
“Mika! Stop strutting around like you are the man.” As always Hannah was there to point out each and every one of my flaws and bring me back down to earth.
Outside a taxi man greeted us. A Japanese lady was also there going to Dahab so we all decided to get the same taxi.
“How much?”
“70 each” about AUS$17
“Tell him he’s dreaming, 50 max”
“Its 40 minutes away, 100km” I did a quick calculation at the average speed in the dark and refused to take note of it when the frightening answer came back.
“OK then I uses 50 then.” I said
“You didn’t change your offer.”
“I know.”
“Sik-ex-ty” he counter offered
“Excuse me.”
“Sik-ex-ty”, sixty.
“50” amid much laughter at his humorous way of saying sixty.
“Sikexty” Hannah and I start cracking up even more. We knew he wouldn’t go down but we continued anyway.
“If I had a 10 pound note and a 50 pound note, how much is that?”
“Sikexty” more laugher from us.
“How much change will we get from 120?”
“Sikexty” by now our stomachs were getting ready to burst.
For the next 20 minutes we sat there thinking of clever ways to get him to say sikexty.
We waved goodbye amid cries of, “OK, thank you only 50.”
“SIKEXTY!”
After the laughter died down we surveyed our situation. The Japanese girl was in the front and we were in the back.
Hannah started talking, “Did you see those crazy Nippon’s?” She obviously thought there was some sort of invisible secret hearing barrier between the front and back seat.
“Ummm, Hannah?” with a kick in the leg.
“What!? But did you see the crazy Nippon’s? Mika stop kicking me!”
“Stacey!”
“Stacey, why that’s our code word.” About then she stopped realizing there obviously wasn’t some sort of invisible sound barrier and the Nippon was sitting there clearly listening in. I took the word Nippon from Hannah’s bag of words. For some reason the Nippon didn’t talk to us from then on.
Next morning we got up real early for our trip to Petra, the rock carved city from Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail. The night before we were told that we should just hook it and get to the opposite end so no one would be there so we could have the monastery to ourselves. Oh how we went. Lucky we brought 3lt of water in the backpack to make it really heavy.
“Mika, we should have brought more water I am really thirsty.” Hannah pointed out as I labored up the rocky mountain trail carrying everything in my backpack. I soon got used to it though and after walking at a cracking pace for about 1.5hrs Hannah called for a stop to ‘admire the view’, so I kindly gave her a turn of the backpack.
“What the hell have you put in here!?” Hannah cried furiously, “Drink some damn water!”
“I told you it was heavy but you didn’t think of that when you were getting cranky at me for not buying the 3rd bottle of water.”
It was at this point that I realized why all the women in the Arab countries walked stooped over so much. Hannah was bent over double, panting with exertion, hands behind her back, cursing every few meters and when not cursing muttering. I on the other hand without my burden bounded beside her yelling words of encouragement, between my skips.
“Hannah look over here at this cave, oh wait you don’t look so good, your really red and your stumbling, look out for that rock!” as she stumbled into a rock face. “Hey don’t worry though in a little bit you get used to it and it becomes like normal and also you will have drunk some water and it will be a lot lighter.” I followed up this observation by running around her in circles.
“Piss Off!”
I took pity on the poor soul after 5 minutes though and carried it the rest of the way up to the monastery.
The monastery was seriously amazing and our hard slog was worth it because we had the place virtually to ourselves.
There was a no climbing sign so I climbed to the top and it was really good looking at all the suckers below. I took about 170 snaps and then ambled back to the entrance looking at everything else.
In the end we did all of Petra in half a day, but we didn’t sit down the whole time for more than about 5 minutes to give some peanuts to some Bedouin kids. We were so exhausted when we got back we slept 4hrs, woke, had dinner, and then slept for 12hrs. It probably hadn’t helped that we had both been sick the previous 4 days and because of traveling hadn’t really eaten because we were scared we would need the toilet on our 6hrs bus trips. Trips mostly without toilet stops.
Before sleeping that night we had some music on and there was a Turkish boy studying his map diligently and when Hannah left he asked, “Do you have some Cat Stevens?”
“Yeah sure mate.” So I changed the music to some Soul Train.
Hannah walked in took one look/listen, “Mika what the hell is this? Put something good on.”
“Ummm Hannah…. It is good.”
“Mika what are you? From the 60’s?”
“Stacey.”
She turned to the Turkish map boy, “do YOU like this? I bet not, See Mika he is cowering under his sheets because he doesn’t like it.”
“Stacey!”
“Stacey doesn’t like Cat Stevens.”
I just groaned and to extricate ourselves let Hannah cut my hair so Map boy could listen to his Cat Stevens in peace.
It was a costly decision though as now I am sporting a nice flowing Mullet. Good for flicking and keeping the flies from the back of the neck but not much else. It baffles me how she will force me to grow a hideous mullet but somehow won’t even consider a some what dashing hairy upper lip. I mean all the Arabs are doing it and they are real smooth looking and seem to have at least 1 wife, if not 4 along with claiming they all have 5 girlfriends. They must be doing something right.
“Mika, we should have brought more water I am really thirsty.” Hannah pointed out as I labored up the rocky mountain trail carrying everything in my backpack. I soon got used to it though and after walking at a cracking pace for about 1.5hrs Hannah called for a stop to ‘admire the view’, so I kindly gave her a turn of the backpack.
“What the hell have you put in here!?” Hannah cried furiously, “Drink some damn water!”
“I told you it was heavy but you didn’t think of that when you were getting cranky at me for not buying the 3rd bottle of water.”
It was at this point that I realized why all the women in the Arab countries walked stooped over so much. Hannah was bent over double, panting with exertion, hands behind her back, cursing every few meters and when not cursing muttering. I on the other hand without my burden bounded beside her yelling words of encouragement, between my skips.
“Hannah look over here at this cave, oh wait you don’t look so good, your really red and your stumbling, look out for that rock!” as she stumbled into a rock face. “Hey don’t worry though in a little bit you get used to it and it becomes like normal and also you will have drunk some water and it will be a lot lighter.” I followed up this observation by running around her in circles.
“Piss Off!”
I took pity on the poor soul after 5 minutes though and carried it the rest of the way up to the monastery.
The monastery was seriously amazing and our hard slog was worth it because we had the place virtually to ourselves.
There was a no climbing sign so I climbed to the top and it was really good looking at all the suckers below. I took about 170 snaps and then ambled back to the entrance looking at everything else.
In the end we did all of Petra in half a day, but we didn’t sit down the whole time for more than about 5 minutes to give some peanuts to some Bedouin kids. We were so exhausted when we got back we slept 4hrs, woke, had dinner, and then slept for 12hrs. It probably hadn’t helped that we had both been sick the previous 4 days and because of traveling hadn’t really eaten because we were scared we would need the toilet on our 6hrs bus trips. Trips mostly without toilet stops.
Before sleeping that night we had some music on and there was a Turkish boy studying his map diligently and when Hannah left he asked, “Do you have some Cat Stevens?”
“Yeah sure mate.” So I changed the music to some Soul Train.
Hannah walked in took one look/listen, “Mika what the hell is this? Put something good on.”
“Ummm Hannah…. It is good.”
“Mika what are you? From the 60’s?”
“Stacey.”
She turned to the Turkish map boy, “do YOU like this? I bet not, See Mika he is cowering under his sheets because he doesn’t like it.”
“Stacey!”
“Stacey doesn’t like Cat Stevens.”
I just groaned and to extricate ourselves let Hannah cut my hair so Map boy could listen to his Cat Stevens in peace.
It was a costly decision though as now I am sporting a nice flowing Mullet. Good for flicking and keeping the flies from the back of the neck but not much else. It baffles me how she will force me to grow a hideous mullet but somehow won’t even consider a some what dashing hairy upper lip. I mean all the Arabs are doing it and they are real smooth looking and seem to have at least 1 wife, if not 4 along with claiming they all have 5 girlfriends. They must be doing something right.
Next day we had to take a taxi to the bus stop where we were met by another ever friendly Taxi driver.
“No, the bus doesn’t leave for Petra from here”, he said helpfully.
“Sorry mate we have been assured by a few people we can.” Because we had.
“No, no, but I can help you out. I will generously help you and take you to another bus station which goes to Petra, all for only 4JD.”
“No thanks we will just go in and buy our ticket.”
“I will come with you.” He offered.
So we go in and ask for a ticket but before the man can answer out trusty Taxi driver bursts in with rapid Arabic, obviously telling him to say there are no buses from here. So I turn to the Taxi driver but see Hannah look at me so I left it and politely said, “What do you mean no bus? We know there is one.” Anyway Hannah starts talking to the Taxi driver so I sneaked over to another counter and asked for a ticket to Petra. He looked down and started typing on his computer and was about to book us in when the hawk eye of the Taxi driver spotted what was happening and rushed over and started talking in Arabic. So the man at the counter stopped what he was doing and said,
“Sorry no Bus. Next!” The Taxi driver then must have read my mind because he asked, “You don’t trust me because I am a Taxi driver do you?”
I smiled at him politely, “Too right I don’t. I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you, every Taxi driver I have ever met I can’t trust, you especially included.” I stopped from telling him each and every reason why I not only didn’t trust him but didn’t like him, because Hannah was looking at me.
“What I didn’t get mad at him? Why are you mad at me?”
Anyway to calm the mighty Hannah rage we took him to this other Bus station. During the trip Hannah had time to think over things and I had to restrain her from launching into a furious tirade. When he kindly told us the bus is usually 5JD but he had done us a deal for 4JD I almost hit him because I was so furious. I knew it was only 3JD normally. So when the driver asked for the money I refused to give him more than 3JD each. In the end I got my own way.
“Hannah see that’s what getting angry does, it gets you your own way.” At that stage she agreed with me.
At the toilet stop I had an emotionally scaring experience. A squat toilet which had poo floating in the wee covering the whole floor. I had to wade through crap just to get to the hole in the ground to pee. I refused to speak or eat or drink for a few hours to recover from my traumatic experience.
Hannah and I can be called speed tourists. If we sit still for more than a few hours we get bored and then cranky and start to fight so we have to be active all the time. We had done Ephesus in 2 hrs and that was with the added off limits parts where you are not allowed to go. We did Istanbul in 3 days and repeated everything on the second day, so we figured we would do Petra in 3hrs tops. We got to the hostel.
“How long do you think you need for Petra, 2hrs, 3hrs max?” The lady laughed long and hard.
“It takes 1hr just to get to the first building in Petra. Most people do it briefly in 2 days.” We gasped. “Some Australians are going back for their 4th day tomorrow.”
“We probably need a day then.”
She laughed again heartily, “You won’t even get from one end to the other.”
So instead of going to Petra we went to the internet where the man tried to rip us off.
“5JD, 1.5 hrs each”
“No, I think you will find that its 4.5JD” I replied politely.
“5JD”
So I carefully spelt it out for him, ‘2 of us with 1.5hrs so 3hrs all together at 1.5JD an hr is 4.5JD.”
“5JD, 1.5JD for the first hour and 1 for the next half an hour” he said ridiculously
“Don’t be crazy you’re the only place in the whole country which would charge more for the longer you use the internet, actually in the whole world.” I said calmly and with a big smile, just to make Hannah happy. It didn’t seem to work because she was looking quite furious. I didn’t want to be ripped off again so I stop my ground and got it in the end for what I wanted, 4.5JD.
“I don’t think we can go back there Hannah.”
“You think, do you…?"
We went to the bank to change some money and the man needed Hannah’s name, “Name.”
“Hannah” she stated simply and in the same breath continued, “So should we change our Cyprus money as well?”
“hanasosuldwechangorcyprusey?” the man replied
“No, Hannah”
“Nohana?”
“Han are”
“Han argh?”Hannah then grabbed a bit of paper and chicken scrawled her name in lovely flowing running writing as if that would help the clearly Arabic man. He looked at it blankly for a minute before handing it back for her to write legibly. Some she attempted to do. We got our receipt under the name Hcmurb Izupmc.
We had a morning to kill so we wandered around into the old city of Damascus. It is such a terribly poor city with lots of small kids who should be either playing or in school, working the streets trying to make a meager living. It was a bit sad to see. I used to get angry at people always hassling me for stuff but someone had said a few days earlier, “They are only trying to make a living because they are desperate for a living.” I am used to people only doing that at home because they are just annoying so from then on I tried to be nice and polite.
“I don’t, no thank you, understand why, no thank you, they don’t, no thank you, realize, no thank you, that we are, no thank you, just, no thank you, poor students, no thank you.”
Maybe it could be my camera dangling from my neck or Hannah’s SLR camera, or my iPod, or Hannah’s iPod, or maybe the Sony Digital Video Recorder. Either way they didn’t believe that we had no money for some reason.
After walking some very interesting back streets we found Saladin’s temple so sat down patiently for 45 minutes taking snaps of them. Being the only Western Person meant that all our subtly was fraught because everyone no matter how far away would look and smile or wave for all our pictures. Some kids playing kept, none to subtly, watching where we pointed our cameras and would run into the frame. They soon got more and more brave until I had about 3 schools worth of kids all around me asking a million questions and asking me to take 126 pictures of them. Soon the crowd grew till the teenagers and young adults joined in all wanting to talk to me. Hannah was laughing at my posse because they all ignored her because she was just a female.
“Today is Monday” I didn’t have the heart to tell them that it was actually Sunday.
“Takeit (take my picture), takeit”, “English”, “takeit”, “USA”, “Takeit”. I would get kids from the crowd who were particularly geeky or looking like they had no friends and taking their pictures because after I did they would become super stars. More and more kids kept trying to get my attention from then on. Police cam over at one stage thinking there might have been a riot. One boy had an English book which he was obviously struggling with for me to read. I quickly read the first sentence and he started cursing and threw the book on the ground because I found it too easy.
They were all pretty funny though, for the next few hours walking all over the city I couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized, “Takeit, takeit”, “Hello Australia”, “hello”, ‘takeit”. I felt like a super star.
“Mika, stop strutting around like you own the place.” Thank god for Hannah to keep me from getting too cocky…. My cries of, “They love me, they really love me. You know Hannah these are my people now.” Got ignored, well not ignored the slap on the back of my head didn’t feel much like being ignored.
In the mosque I saw the Holy Grail. A total midget. Seriously, was as high as my knee. People came to see Mohammad’s Uncles grave and were going crazy with riots trying to break the locks to touch his resting place. I think they thought my shouts of joy and tears of gratefulness were because I was in such a holy place.
“Do you think I could ask her to be my butler Hannah?”
“Takeit, takeit”, “Today is Wednesday”, “Takeit, takeit”
I got into trouble with lots of angry glares as 30 kids all lined up to get their picture taken, right in the middle of the tomb. I should have realized it was such Holy Ground; the midget of midgets had graced me with her Holy presence there.
“Mika I don’t think it is holy because of the midget of midgets.” Hannah pointed out. I was a bit disappointed but had to see her point.
Later we had to get to the Bus station so I went up to a taxi and politely had to tell each of them they were dreaming. I even smiled when I said it to keep Hannah happy. Some man took pity and got us on a local bus. The Syrian people were some of the nicest people I had met, excluding Taxi driver thieves.
At the bus station, “Takeit, takeit”, “Australia”, there was one boy desperately trying to sell us chewing gum, so I gave him all our change, about $5 worth, and he tried to give me the whole box. I didn’t take it though. His smile was so huge when he realized it was a gift. Seeing as most meals, after the blue eye tax, came to about 40c for us it should have kept him going a few weeks.
On the bus to Jordan I cried, “Darth is following us! Wait I think he is smaller, don’t worry Hannah it is only 2 of his monkey butlers, so we should be alright” I could tell because they were smaller.
I have become quite the packing expert so in my bag everything has a place and it usually takes about an hour just to make sure everything is in its right place and everything is nice and orderly. Hannah on the other hand gets out her bag and stuffs everything in one at a time, sometimes using her fist, or foot to get some added leverage for pushing stuff down. It sends me into fits of fury just watching her ensemble of chaos. Heavy things on top, plastic bags sticking out half full, stuff hanging out of pockets, zips half zipped up, the lid half closed. So when the customs were checking over everyone’s stuff, quite thoroughly, they came up to our bags, shuddered, shook their heads, looked at their watches and decided to bypass Hannah’s for mine. After the attempt to get a pinky in my bag failed horribly they gave up on mine and proceeded to the normal people with big suitcases, easy to open and inspect.
Back on the bus Hannah dared me to lick my lips suggestively at some Darth Monkey butlers but I refused. She then started on, a bit too loudly; about how the I quote ‘Towel Heads’ kept staring at her. I then decided to take out ‘Towel Head’ from Hannah’s bag of words. Every now and then I have to remove words from Hannah’s vocabulary like ‘Dirty Arab man’, ‘damn nips’, ‘towel heads’, ‘gooks’ etc. She tends to say them rather loudly and inappropriately, like when Hannah dared Ariane to stand up on the Ferry from Cyprus and yell, “Stop staring at us you Dirty Arabs!” The thing was Ariane didn’t even need to because she had said it quite loudly enough as it was and everyone had already heard her.
We stayed the night in Amman, Jordan.
“I don’t, no thank you, understand why, no thank you, they don’t, no thank you, realize, no thank you, that we are, no thank you, just, no thank you, poor students, no thank you.”
Maybe it could be my camera dangling from my neck or Hannah’s SLR camera, or my iPod, or Hannah’s iPod, or maybe the Sony Digital Video Recorder. Either way they didn’t believe that we had no money for some reason.
After walking some very interesting back streets we found Saladin’s temple so sat down patiently for 45 minutes taking snaps of them. Being the only Western Person meant that all our subtly was fraught because everyone no matter how far away would look and smile or wave for all our pictures. Some kids playing kept, none to subtly, watching where we pointed our cameras and would run into the frame. They soon got more and more brave until I had about 3 schools worth of kids all around me asking a million questions and asking me to take 126 pictures of them. Soon the crowd grew till the teenagers and young adults joined in all wanting to talk to me. Hannah was laughing at my posse because they all ignored her because she was just a female.
“Today is Monday” I didn’t have the heart to tell them that it was actually Sunday.
“Takeit (take my picture), takeit”, “English”, “takeit”, “USA”, “Takeit”. I would get kids from the crowd who were particularly geeky or looking like they had no friends and taking their pictures because after I did they would become super stars. More and more kids kept trying to get my attention from then on. Police cam over at one stage thinking there might have been a riot. One boy had an English book which he was obviously struggling with for me to read. I quickly read the first sentence and he started cursing and threw the book on the ground because I found it too easy.
They were all pretty funny though, for the next few hours walking all over the city I couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized, “Takeit, takeit”, “Hello Australia”, “hello”, ‘takeit”. I felt like a super star.
“Mika, stop strutting around like you own the place.” Thank god for Hannah to keep me from getting too cocky…. My cries of, “They love me, they really love me. You know Hannah these are my people now.” Got ignored, well not ignored the slap on the back of my head didn’t feel much like being ignored.
In the mosque I saw the Holy Grail. A total midget. Seriously, was as high as my knee. People came to see Mohammad’s Uncles grave and were going crazy with riots trying to break the locks to touch his resting place. I think they thought my shouts of joy and tears of gratefulness were because I was in such a holy place.
“Do you think I could ask her to be my butler Hannah?”
“Takeit, takeit”, “Today is Wednesday”, “Takeit, takeit”
I got into trouble with lots of angry glares as 30 kids all lined up to get their picture taken, right in the middle of the tomb. I should have realized it was such Holy Ground; the midget of midgets had graced me with her Holy presence there.
“Mika I don’t think it is holy because of the midget of midgets.” Hannah pointed out. I was a bit disappointed but had to see her point.
Later we had to get to the Bus station so I went up to a taxi and politely had to tell each of them they were dreaming. I even smiled when I said it to keep Hannah happy. Some man took pity and got us on a local bus. The Syrian people were some of the nicest people I had met, excluding Taxi driver thieves.
At the bus station, “Takeit, takeit”, “Australia”, there was one boy desperately trying to sell us chewing gum, so I gave him all our change, about $5 worth, and he tried to give me the whole box. I didn’t take it though. His smile was so huge when he realized it was a gift. Seeing as most meals, after the blue eye tax, came to about 40c for us it should have kept him going a few weeks.
On the bus to Jordan I cried, “Darth is following us! Wait I think he is smaller, don’t worry Hannah it is only 2 of his monkey butlers, so we should be alright” I could tell because they were smaller.
I have become quite the packing expert so in my bag everything has a place and it usually takes about an hour just to make sure everything is in its right place and everything is nice and orderly. Hannah on the other hand gets out her bag and stuffs everything in one at a time, sometimes using her fist, or foot to get some added leverage for pushing stuff down. It sends me into fits of fury just watching her ensemble of chaos. Heavy things on top, plastic bags sticking out half full, stuff hanging out of pockets, zips half zipped up, the lid half closed. So when the customs were checking over everyone’s stuff, quite thoroughly, they came up to our bags, shuddered, shook their heads, looked at their watches and decided to bypass Hannah’s for mine. After the attempt to get a pinky in my bag failed horribly they gave up on mine and proceeded to the normal people with big suitcases, easy to open and inspect.
Back on the bus Hannah dared me to lick my lips suggestively at some Darth Monkey butlers but I refused. She then started on, a bit too loudly; about how the I quote ‘Towel Heads’ kept staring at her. I then decided to take out ‘Towel Head’ from Hannah’s bag of words. Every now and then I have to remove words from Hannah’s vocabulary like ‘Dirty Arab man’, ‘damn nips’, ‘towel heads’, ‘gooks’ etc. She tends to say them rather loudly and inappropriately, like when Hannah dared Ariane to stand up on the Ferry from Cyprus and yell, “Stop staring at us you Dirty Arabs!” The thing was Ariane didn’t even need to because she had said it quite loudly enough as it was and everyone had already heard her.
We stayed the night in Amman, Jordan.
On the bus to Syria we came in contact with two Darth Vader fans. They were fully dressed in black, black dress, black gloves, scarf, hejab, veil, the whole kit and caboodle so that you couldn’t see a single part of them.
“Don, don, don, dondon, don”
Hannah laughed at my Star Wars theme music as they both glided past us. I did it a bit quiet though just in case Anakin heard me and released the force to strangle me.
“Mika don’t look so scared, it’s not Darth.”
“Shhh, he can hear you.”
“Mika how can it be Darth, they are both women.” She pointed out.
“I don’t know that big one is pretty big and I think the other one is his monkey butler.” I replied as I shivered, “look how they glide they don’t even walk like normal people!”
I looked around for someone with a light saber but to no avail.
“Stop holding that stick like it’s a light saber!” so I dropped the stick quickly and ran to the bus.
At the border the border guards barked, “Show me your face” to Darth.
I turned to Hannah, “No Darth won’t die if he removes his mask.”
Lucky for us all the guard was of a weak mind.
“It’s a woman, it’s my wife.” As if that meant something. Then I swear I saw Darth move his fingers. His feeble mind tricks didn’t work on me and I wasn’t fooled but the guard was because he left it at that.
“Mika, stop moving your fingers ridiculously and asking strangers for their wallets.” I suspect the only reason it didn’t work was because they couldn’t speak English because all I got were blank stares of incomprehension.
Once in Damascus we got a Taxi and foolishly asked for a cheap hotel which he knew of and got taken to this crappy hotel which was not in anyway cheap. We learnt a good lesson though, never trust a taxi driver. One which we didn’t learn all that well. Lucky for us though Archeologist boy had given us the name of a cheap hostel. The taxi driver didn’t know it so he got lost but he kindly took us on an extended tour of the city. One which he charged us for. Stupidly I paid being a traveling novice and all. Also Hannah had been getting angry at me getting angry at people taking us for a ride.
“What is getting angry going to do? Nothing.” She would say.
I personally thought it was going to do 2 things.
1. Make me feel better
2. Make them know that I know their game
But seeing as there was a third undesirable thing, making her angry, I tried to be more reasonable from then on.Hannah had my ring on and whilst walking around eating our Falafel a man came up and kissed her hand with a loud slurp, saw the ring, thought we were married and game my hand what was suspiciously like a lick. I think he was trying to come onto Hannah then got worried I was about to give him a broadside of the old cannon, Mr. Right Bicep and Mr. Left Bicep, for coming on to my wife so pretended it was some sort of unisex Syrian greeting. So all in all I am not sure if Hannah wearing my ring was a good thing.
So Day 2 of our post Ariane traveling which as predicted brought a period of Hannah vs. Mika WWF Smack-down. Day 1 was just spent on mourning and once the shock of it all was gone the tempers were released, without the benefit of a mediator to sort out our differences.
“I need the toilet.”
“I have no money”
“I don’t either”
“What happened to all the money?”
“You spent it!”
”So did you!”
“Did not.”
“Don’t get so angry.”
“You don’t need the toilet.”
“Well I went earlier so I didn’t have to now.”
“Well I cant help it when I need to go to the toilet…”And so on. Then basically we ignored each other for 3 hrs where as before it would have been, “Ariane would have agreed with me!” the other would laugh and we would both go away knowing that each of us was really right, I mean Ariane had told us behind the others back that she agreed with us!
“I need the toilet.”
“I have no money”
“I don’t either”
“What happened to all the money?”
“You spent it!”
”So did you!”
“Did not.”
“Don’t get so angry.”
“You don’t need the toilet.”
“Well I went earlier so I didn’t have to now.”
“Well I cant help it when I need to go to the toilet…”And so on. Then basically we ignored each other for 3 hrs where as before it would have been, “Ariane would have agreed with me!” the other would laugh and we would both go away knowing that each of us was really right, I mean Ariane had told us behind the others back that she agreed with us!
About me
- I'm Mika
- From Landsborough - arrgghhh, Queensland, Australia
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