“Good morning, jolly old chap.” I said jovially to our tuk tuk driver.

“We are in a spot of bother and were wondering if you could help us out of this pickle.” Hannah added.

I wondered what our spot of bother was, while the tuk tuk driver wondered what a pickle was.

“We were not quite so sure of where our hostel is and were wondering if you could be a jolly good chap and take us to it.”

The driver scratched his head, put the tuk tuk into first gear and speed into the searing mass of the Indian transport system with smoke belching from the exhaust all the while wondering why we were speaking like 1900 English Safari fools and why did they kept on insisting the wasn’t the weather just marvellous on this side of the world and why the woman kept calling him Hector when clearly his name was Abdul. Ok I made up the Abdul bit but who ever heard of an Indian called Hector.

“Oh I say Hector”, Hannah drawled, “do you think we will spot some tigers today? Marvellous creatures those tigers.”

“Besides the ones with Rabies.” I added at which point Hannah forgot she was an English safari hunter and looked around at the monkeys on the side of the road and worried about her impending doom of death by rabies.

I think it was all lost in translation and Abdul just ignored us.

As it could probably be seen my foul mood and biotics had left me and everything was starting to look up again.

The first item on our agenda was to book ourselves into a tiger spotting adventure for that afternoon.

We sat about excitedly the rest of the day alternating between ourselves as to who was the tiger and who was the hunter with the imaginary friend called Hector and endless arguments between ourselves as to who was actually going to spot a tiger first. Which, by the way, was unanimously decided as being me.

So we packed our camera’s, video camera, safari hats and Hannah her book on infectious diseases of wild animals, namely any information dealing with rabies and jumped into our canter, a tiger hunting bus.

“Hannah look this bus has no roof and just think any animals can just jump on in with us.” Yes, I was definitely feeling a lot better being able to add to any of Hannah insecurities like that.

So we set about and ended up spotting every animal under the sun that was named either a monkey, a deer, a Samba, an owl and a mini crocodile. The closest we came to spotting a tiger was a tiger print which we were assured had not been there in the morning. I took a picture, being a good tiger hunter that I am. An absolutely stunning shot I assure you.

We returned home a little dejected at having seen no tigers but not as dejected as this Australian couple me met back at the hotel who had been on 10 tours and seen nary a hint of a tiger.

We went upstairs or dinner and behind us were another couple behind us. Hannah with her keen eavesdropping and constant search for gossip soon picked up that they were fellow Australians and soon got ourselves invited to sit with them. They were Chris the girl and Dan the man, also a non couple like Hannah and I.

We soon found out that while our hostel had a 12am curfew, theirs was not only cheaper but also had no curfew. So we moved our gear to their hotel next door and spent the night playing cards. Somewhere in the middle of the night they told us of their plans for a Tiger Safari the next morning at 5am. So we woke up the manager at 1am and got ourselves booked as well. I am sure he didn’t mind at all. I mean all that eye rubbing and head scratching was a sure sign of his pleasure. Right?