After the very pleasant journey we arrived at our hostel and basked in what was rumoured to be 4 star accommodation. I don’t know for sure but I suspect it was 8 stars. It had, gasp, new bathrooms, was huge, gasp, had air-conditioning, by now huge gasp, and hot water. I have never felt like such a king. None of the others were as impressed as Hannah and I though. We clocked in at the ungodly hour of 6am, sat around and had the most glorious, epic experience ever. A warm shower, the first wash in 3 days, the first proper shower in 3 weeks and the first warm shower since about, when did I leave England again? I felt like a new man, fresh clothes all soaped up and fresh. Chris arrived again 2 hours later and took me on a bike ride to pick up a lonely planet. I returned sooted, hot, sweaty, greasy and caked in dust. I have never been so happy to be so filthy. I had another hot shower.

I read a few months ago back in dreary England that the greatest invention ever was soap. How Hannah and I scoffed and mocked such a ludicrous claim, cackling with laughter at the fool who wrote it. It didn’t seem so foolish anymore. I now would have to agree with it personally. Space ships, nah, penecilin, nah, computers, not even close. Even beer doesn’t cut it compared to that marvellous feeling of being all lathered up, slippery and then clean. Although I didn’t know what that funny smell was until I realised it was more the absence of smell than the presence of a smell.

That afternoon we all went and saw St Thomas’ grave and then to the beach for some cool drinks.

On the way to see where St Thomas was allegedly killed, we had to do a trip on this road that weaved and snaked up the mountain, which passed through small villages. Intermittedly we would stop for a minute to let the dogs, chickens, goats and cows cross the road and we scarcely payed any attention to the frequent stops. However there was one particular stop which we could barely ignore. We were crawling up the road through this group of half naked kids. However there remained one little nude kid right in the middle of the road. It appeared that apparently he had business to attend to. In order to prepare for the event he turned and faced us, stood up straight as you like, extended his arms and legs until he was in the star position, gave us a cheeky little grin, and released the flow. The song pissing in the wind comes to mind. This lasted for a moment with him frozen in the star position, then he did a little jig, a wobble to finish his business up and continued on his merry way. If I could have, I would have given him a high five for his effort. High ten even. So if you ever see me in the star position, well...

As I was taking a picture on the beach a girl walked up, “Hello, my name is Ffjuiujd. (I’ll just assume Abdulena), I am Muslim.”

“Hi, I am Mika, I am homosapian.” I replied.

“Oh how nice, can you take my picture please?” Abdulena asked.

“Sure” She was quite nice to look at and she had lots of interesting giggling girl friends. I took a few snaps and got mobbed after each one by them all scrambling to have a look. After a while they got bolder.

“Can you take..”, giggle, “..off your glasses?” whisper, whisper, giggle.

So for my fans I obliged and after a few giggles and whispers, “Oh you have beautiful eyes.” Abdulena and her crew informed me, correctly.

I flashed them my pearly whites, what I like to call my movie star smile, “Well thankyou.” I said modestly.

I supposed I did have beautiful eyes. My own thoughts were finally being echoed by my fans and peers. Hannah was gagging behind me. We sadly had to leave my bunch of 15 year old groupies and head home.