Anyway I didn’t get much sleep that night. In the morning Hannah said, “Mika why were you sleeping on my second seat? Your face was in my hair and it was really annoying.”

I spluttered, it was lucky I was over tired and had had a really fun 2 days or I would have released the tiger. As it was I was too tired to do anything but she had been real nice to me by not waking me up because I was snoring for the hour or so sleep I had gotten, so I let it lie.

We had to get a taxi to the airport but we had extra money left so we weren’t too worried about getting ripped off the £5 the taxi driver conveniently didn’t have. I was so happy at being out of the clutches of the evil Arab taxi empire, I didn’t even put up much of a protest, nothing more than a few rocks and raised fist. My monkey butler army have failed me in my holy crusade and I was considering leaving them behind but I can’t stay angry at them for long. They’re monkey butlers!

Once inside we bought a coffee and water

“Can we get the change please?” Hannah inquired politely.

“Yes, Yes”, he looked really annoyed at our strange request, “You’ll get it soon, wait there.”

We had time to burn and no where to go so we didn’t mind. An hour later we decided to move the 2m to the counter and once again inquire about the for coming change. Hannah strolled up and there was much gesturing and flailing of hands and flapping of elbows and nodding of heads.

“We wouldn’t give me the change because it is a different shop keeper.”

I was secretly happy, by now I liked nothing better than a good angry argument with a greedy Egyptian.

I sauntered up, “Change please.”

“No different shop keeper he owes you not me.”

“When is he back then?” I asked.

“Come back tomorrow.”

“Well that doesn’t help me does it?” a rhetorical question.

He shrugged and shift a few pages in the paper he was reading.

“Ok I will tell you what then. You give me the change for him.”

“No I don’t owe you money he does.”

“Do you know anything about store economics?” I inquired, “no? Well I will give you a free lsson. There is a shop who employs you to run it. I buy something form the shop, now get ready because here comes the tricky part so get out your pen and paper, the shop then gives me the change not you.”

He seemed to have some trouble grasping this, “Ok, so I don’t give you the change.”

I shrugged and said as walking off, “Ok I’ll ask this gentlemen here thinks of the situation” and headed towards the security guard walking passed.

He called me back reached into his pocket and paid me. To tell you the truth I was a bit disappointed. I had wanted some more fun. So I pocketed my 20cent change and strolled off.

One thing I am a travel nazi about is toilet paper. I never leave home without it and never leave home without a lot of it. You can never be too sure what sort of little amenities you can find in toilets to deal with those situations and I am always never happy about experimenting with such items. So paid my respects to the toilet man guarding the toilet door, did my thing placed the toilet paper in the back pocket, winked at the toilet guard and walked off briskly.

Around the corner through 4 rooms and 5 stampeding American tourists the toilet guard caught up with me and grabbed me angrily, “Toilet paper!” he screamed.

The 5 American tourists stopped and whispered and pointed and giggled. I tried to look tough.

“Toilet paper!” toilet guard screamed again a little louder to knock me out of my trance and started grabbing my butt to embarrass me in some more in front of the now 5 Americans and 6 Ezbekistani’s I would never see again or recognise again.

He grabbed my butt again to make a finer point about toilet paper. I decided it was time for action and jumped out of the way of the lunging prying butt grabbing fingers. He chased me. We started a little game of run screaming after Mika screaming “Toilet Paper” and grabbing my arse for the growing crowd of spectators. I didn’t like this game much. Finally it dawned on me he thought I was a toilet paper thief and the toilet paper in my pocket was from the toilet I had just vacated. I stopped and turned to face the gesturing arse grabbing “toilet paper” screaming toilet guard and pulled out toilet paper. He skidded to a stop and the crowd chanting turned to a more crowd hush, patiently waiting for this new development to unravel.

I held up the toilet paper and had to jumped back quickly as the toilet guard made a grab for the toilet paper. I ripped off a square and showed him the texture. This was ribbed for my plea… actually I’ll leave that… and not that stock standard smooth iron bark stuff which was currently residing in the toilet block. It took a bit but he finally stopped grabbing at me and screaming toilet paper madly and he conceded defeat/realised it wasn’t his. I gave a square for good measure to appease him. He didn’t seem to appreciate my peace offering. I was glad when the baying crowds dissipated and turned to see Hannah in stitches, rolling around on the big comfortable couch, laughing heartily.

She started to speak but I cut her off, “Don’t even..”

Our flight stopped in Sudan and picked up some passangers. Across from us were 3 starting men. The whole trip they just started at Hannah without a break and when I stared back I was real impressed by how tough they were.

We had a 3hr, 1hr stop over in Addis Abbas in Ethiopia. Ie. it was supposed to be 1hour but turned into 3hrs.

I wandered around and Hannah sat in a chair and sucked on a valium which soon sent her into a sleepy doze.

I spotted the Zimbabwe cricket team but they didn’t recognise me. They were flying in real style, economy, Zimbabwe dodgy brothers air to somewhere.

Once airborn the hostess came up and asked for our dinner preferences, “Chicken or Fish?”

I thought about it a minute and decided on chicken. I figured my stomach was getting quite strong and I though I could handle the meat and it was Ethiopian air how bad could the food get?

Hannah slept on and the hostess inquired again, “Chicken or Fish?”

Hannah looked around groggily, rubbed her eyes and mumbled.

“Chicken or fish?” hostess asked again.

I poked Hannah.

“Chicken or fish” she grumbled.

The hostess was looking quite confused by now. Hannah wasn’t looking too fused let alone confused, so I decided to help and gave her a nice elbow in the ribs and said, “Chick-en or Fi-sh?”

She rolled around stretched and gurgled something.

“Say Chicken Hannah” I tried.

“Chicked?” she replied.

The hostess took that as a cue and ran before Hannah could change her mind.