Time was running short so she had to miss out on seeing Luxor because we had more to see, so the next day we set off for Aswan and its famous Souq’s (shops). After 11 straight days of Smegals disease Hannah was finally able to perform like the monkey I had come to expect of her to a small degree. She even croaked out a minor comedic run but without Hannah there to encourage her it soon petered out.

Before the souqs I managed to give Hannah a consolation prize for missing out on the Valley of the Kings and got to explore the Valley of the Nobles, well actually that was in Luxor as well but this was like a mini version of it, just trying to make it sound grand so Hannah doesn’t realise what she missed out on. However it did have lots of cool tunnels and no-one else around which is always important.

Hannah wasn’t as curious as me and I soon lost her whilst climbing down one of the many tunnels. In this particular tunnel the torch I was using was giving off a splendid glow to the amount of 1 millionth of a candle watt. With this blinding light I had the pleasure of using my imagination somewhat more than necessary and all those little bat tweets and every now and then I would feel what I was sure a vampire or some other man eating beast fly past me. I wasn’t scared at all but maybe the vampire lord was down the end and without my monkey butlers to back me up I prudently returned to the safety of the sun.

When I finally found Hannah again, “You should check out this tunnel, I couldn’t even get to the end of them!”

“Why not?”

“Bats” I said.

“Bats?” She laughed, “Your afraid of bats.” Hysterics.

“Am not! Just cautious.”

“Well lets go, I am not afraid, Mika” The Mika at the end sounds a bit too much like a challenge.

“You know bats bite.” I stated.

“Really?”

“Yes, and they carry diseases like rabies.” Bingo! Hannah is convinced her death will come from rabies.

She just shrugged, she had gone far too far to back out now by mocking my alleged fear of bats.

I decided to add some more, “You know they suck your blood as well, vampire bats, saw it on TV.”

She laughed nervously. We were near the bat part then, the part I had turned back from, the part with all the bats shrieking and flying past. I lit a cigarette lighter. 1000’s of little eyes glistered. Hannah tensed.

“So you’re not afraid, eh?” I mocked, “alright go down there then.” I pointed to the waist high tunnel with hundreds of bats hanging from the roof. I made (pretend) moves to do it myself. It did the trick and she jumped down, shining the torch.

“It’s a dead end.” She said quickly and even more quickly jumped back out. “nothing to see really.”

“Are you sure? Maybe you should crawl to the end and make sure there isn’t a small crack you may have missed?” I inquired.

“Mika! It’s the end, OK!” a little testily.

“Well if you’re afraid of bats you should just say.”

“I’m not.” She said as she made moves to the safety of the outside bat free world. I brought up the rear, just, maybe 2cm in it.

When we got back our friendly nodding hotel manager offered to organise a few things for us if only we pay him some small fee.

“Abu Simbel, all expenses paid, you pay nothing…” I figured, actually Hannah figured for me, that being suspicious and expecting the Egyptians to be decent people was just getting me angry and making me not enjoy myself so I stopped caring. “… all for only 45 Egyptian Pounds.”

“Is it a big bus?”

“Of course.”

“Are you lying?” at which stage Hannah gave me a none to subtle crack in the ribs.

“No, no I promise you big bus and air-conditioned.” Translated into English, ‘Yes I am you rich white capitalist who steals my money’

“And we don’t pay entry fee?” Just wanting to clear some things up.

“Yes, all included.” Riiiiight…

Anyway I was dubious at best but decided to roll with it.

“Do you want to do a Felucca ride back to Luxor?”

Hannah started hyperventilating so I figured it was a YES!!.

“How much?”

“95 Egyptian pounds, all inclusive. You see 2 temples on the way which is all included.”

“95! Is that a promise? Egyptian promise?” I said lightly, CRACK, my ribs were starting to get sore.

“Yes, you pay no more.”

“OK we are in.”

“Ok, you leave for Abu Simbel at 3:30 in the morning and then….”

I cut in, “3:30 in the morning? Are you crazy.”

“... yes, and you get back at 1pm and then go straight to Felucca, sleep the night on it and the next day you see the 2 temples and then a bus to Luxor.”

“OK”

That night we strolled around the souqs buying things and had a good ole time bargaining. I like to think we drive a hard bargain. At least, so far, I haven’t met anyone who paid less for things we have bought. It might be because we may not have met anyone who had bought any of the things we have bought. Little minor details like that however I find can really bring a half man, half boy (as well I am sure monkeys and midgets) down so I focus on the positives not the negatives.

In the souqs I found some monkey statues, I had to buy them.

“How much for the monkeys?” I said finally after asking about a few other things first.

“140 E-gip-shun (Egyptian) pounds.”

I whistled in amazement, because that is the way the game is played. “Expensive!”

“Yes, well its hard stone and hard to carve.” Wherein he proceeded to show me just how hard it was with Inubis’s beak.

“Yeah, it is hard but I will give you 50 E-gip-shun pounds for it.” Hannah started giggling at the E-gip-shun part. I am quite the funny man sometimes.

“No, no you will make me broke.” I thought that was the point personally. “120”

Anyway after finding out the ‘real’ Egyptian price, the one for locals, as 100 and then lowering it to 90 Hannah kindly decided I would up my bid.

“Sik-ex-ty (60) E-gip-shun pounds.” Hannah started going into hysterics when he whistled appreciatively and repeated what she said exactly. I thought it was quite funny as well. So after 20 minutes of negotiating I finally got it for 65 which is about UK£2

or AUS$5. He never realised I would have paid 10 times that. Their monkeys!

Because of our early rise the next day we went to bed early.