The next day can only be described as black Sunday. Ariane was leaving us for home after knowing her for a year. Seeing as it is a real possibility I may never see her again it was a say day. We just lounged around and were generally depressed with a few questions to Ariane which went unanswered, "Ariane can you carry the water please?", "Ariane where is my book?", "Ariane where is my double adaptor?", "Ariane can you go and get me a biscuit?". Its real tough losing your sherpa but we will do her a great honor and call all our Sherpa's Ariane from now on.
"Hello, my name is Abdul, your Sherpa."
"Oh hello Ariane, can you please carry the water."
"No, my name is Abdul."
"I know Ariane, you told us three times already, can you just please carry the water."
Maybe if she is real lucky I will name my monkey butler when I find one after her.

Next day we met, in the morning, a very interesting chap who helped us with our non-plan to get to Egypt. He advised us about Syria and how to get there so we planned to do it the way he explained even though we didn’t have much clue about Syria at all. We talked and asked him about what he was doing there in Turkey.
"I went to $%^^!@@*.. and wanted to translate the Arabic script on the monastery walls."
Hannah, "walls eh?" I went to the beach and I had a swim", she said proudly, "I can swim good."
He nodded before continuing, "It was quite interesting how the 300AD and the Romans wrote about Pythagoras before Homer wrote the Odyssey while Neil Armstrong used Bernoulli's Theory to prove Einstein, that time was relative."
"Wow," I said, "We rode bikes yesterday, it was fun."
"Bikes are good", Added Hannah, because they are.
I decided to ask Archaeologist boy where he was studying, "Where are you studying?"
"Oxford, masters, PhD, Doctorate"
I proudly decided to prove just how smart I was as well, "Never been there but I hear you have a river in Oxford as well, saw it in a book once. I like reading." I sat back smugly content he knew I was as knowledgeable as he, then I decided to go one better, "In Australia I lived near Brisbane." My smug smile soon faded when he had heard of the sunshine coast and gave me a run down on how the Aborigines in that site used to use it as a holy ground for rituals. I added that I lived there from 1988 to about 2002 but he was too busy talking about aborigines to listen. Hannah seemed to think he was interesting though because she kept looking at his lips until she asked in a pause in the narrative, "So, Homer Simpson wrote the Odyssey?" When she continued on asking if the detective was really the murderer and his mother the victim I knew she hadn’t been listening at all but was making up her own interesting version of what he should be saying again. She then solved the mystery of the lips by offering him some dirty caked Vaseline, which he promptly declined for some strange reason.

We returned back to the pension with our tail between our legs and begged for a bed, which we were really fortunate to get. I think he knew we would because it was always booked and there was just enough beds for us all.
We had become good friends by now so that night we chatted about the tour where we had first met them.
“Did you notice that only ladies where working the fields in the hot sun?”
“Yeah and they all stoop becuase they work so hard and so much.”
“I wonder what the men do?”
“I think they drink the tea.”
“What tea?”
“The tea the ladies pick.”
“Who else would drink the tea the ladies make, because obviously the ladies are too busy picking the tea for the men to use it themselves.”
“What about the women chopping the wood?”
“Well who would chop the wood because the men are too busy drinking the tea.”
“Well why are they chopping the wood?’
“Because they need to chop it smaller. The men are too busy drinking the tea to cut the wood.”
“What happens when all the wood is chopped?”
“The men come and tell them to chop it smaller.”
“Why arent the men doing it?”
“Because the men are too busy drinking the tea and telling the ladies to chop it smaller.”
“Why dont they just chop it small in the first place?”
“Because then what would the men do when they werent drinking the tea?”
“Well they also play backgammon.”
“What?”
“Backgammon.... who would play the backgammon boards the ladies who wherent chopping the wood or picking the tea were making.”
“Makes sense I gues.”
The girls didnt see as much sense in it as we boys did.
“The rest of the women make the rugs which the men who are drinking the tea, playing the backgammon and telling the women to cut the wood in half are supposed to be selling.” I added.
Us boys all agreed thge economics in this country were flawless and we should all move here, especially when I pointed out the women made apple tea.

The day before on our tour the guide told us that we should go to sleep in a cave somewhere and to just tell anyone who may take offence that Hussein said it would be alright and they wouldn’t bother us. I sat back wondering how they would know which Hussein it was seeing as everyone I had met had either been named Hussein, Mohammad, Gokhan or Ahmed.
So anyway we booked ourselves out of the Hostel amid cries from the owner. "You couldn’t pay me a million lira to sleep out there. Scorpions." Before shuddering.
Seeing as a million lira was the same as about AUS$1 I didn’t see the problem myself. We had made some friends the day before and the girls all wanted to as well while the two blokes decided not to come. It would be tough chaperoning 5 girls, me being the only male of the camping group.
So we began our planning and decided to all get pushies and scout out a suitable cave. Cleverly in our excitement we went to the first bike place and paid a nice group blue eye tax.
We informed the owner proudly that we were going to camp in a cave and he started shaking his head, "You couldn’t pay me a million lira to go camping, Scorpions" before shuddering.
"Yes, yes we have been through all this before already"
"What can scorpions do to you anyway?" someone asked.
"Make you sick." I explained before the man angrily replied, "Have you been bitten!?" and on my negative continued, "You don’t know crap, when you get bitten you get intense paid and you have a few hours to get to a hospital and get an injection for the poison and then you have intense pain for a day and then nothing."
I wondered if my definition of sick differed somehow from the Turkish one. I personally think he was jealous of me with all the girls so I added, "I bet YOU haven’t been bit before!" That would show that smug man who is boss. He then proceeded to show me all his scorpion bite scars. There was a 1 in 6 chance it would be me who got bit so I was happy with those odds.
We all chose bikes which we then had to change again because half of them had no breaks or gears or seat too hard etc and when we were all happy we set off before coming back and changing bikes around again except changed them back to the ones we had already got rid of and so there was much confusion before happy again and then got to the top of the hill before going back down to change again. Finally, however, we were done and after doing the hill again we all hopped off our bikes, panting with exhaustion, to admire the view. We all agreed the brick wall was very interesting so we sat down and studied it quite well, memorizing all 3 of the brick positions and the couple of stones around it. By the time we reached the very top we all admired the view again and agreed the landscape was much prettier than the wall. Along the ridge 5 minutes we stopped again for another view break and that was when we got our first flat. We all chuckled and sat about enthusiastically changing the tire. Well the girls sat about while the boys changed the tire. We all then went down the hill and at the bottom discovered another 2 flat tires. So after 30 minutes in and only 10 minutes of riding done we had 3 flats.
"I am not paying for this!" I stated furiously after fixing the next 2.
The girls were fine talking about dancing, dresses and such, "Do you think I should cut my hair?", "What's that Mika? Are you done yet?", "About time boys", "Lets go I am bored".
5 minutes later we got our 4th flat tire. While fixing this us boys started chatting.
"I bet it’s a scam!"
"Yeah definitely a scam, they get pins and do tiny holes in the tubes so we pay for them."
"Yeah I heard about those slow release holes."
"Wow, they are cunning."
"But we are on to these bastards!"
"When we get back, boy, are we going to give it to them!"
"Damn straight."
"Check the tire I bet they stick the pins to the inside."
"Sneaky!"
"Nope no pins."
"Ohh! Sneakier! Secret pins that pop out when riding."
"Clever bastards" we muttered.
"So a blue top matches my eyes better with these pants do you think? Oh boys are done yet? Isn't it such a nice day? This is so fun hanging out on a nice bike trip." The girls added.
Us boys with our broken nails, greasy hands and frustration didn’t agree quite as much. 5 minutes later and the next 2 simultaneous flat tires we had it to a fine art.
"Mika you remove that one, I'll get the pump fixed (which was broken as well) and mate you grab the tools and spare tire tube."
We got even better for the next 2 10 minutes later. 13 flat later we just gave up and walked the bikes back. On the walk back we noticed these thorns in all the tires and scattered all over the road.
"Oh! I bet they scattered them there on purpose."
"Yeah must be it."
"Sneaky bastards."
But all in all it was quite fun and we saw a lot of cool caves even though we could have walked our trip a lot quicker.
"You know", one of the girls stated, "we cant sleep in the caves now, no bikes, we cant get there." All the girls except Hannah agreed, "Damn I really wanted to do it as well!", they all said a bit too forcefully and cheerily. They didn’t seem to hear me when I added that it was alright I knew of some good caves within walking distance.
"Pity there are no caves near enough to walk to."
My furious pointing at a suitable cave 500m away seemed to get overlooked.
"Yeah would have been a nice mission."
When we got back we had to pay for 13 punctures from the 8 bikes. We had only been gone 5 hrs as well and that included the 1hr lunch and 3hrs exploring on foot. He was going to charge more than he did until Ariane pointed out that we would tell everyone at the pension not to come to him because he was a rip off. He then became nice and forced us to sit and drink some of his apple tea and stay and chat. The other two boys because very excited.
"Apple Tea, eh?", whisper, whisper, "this is brilliant!"
"Can we have some more?"
"Guys are you tasting this? Why haven’t we had this before?"
For the next few days whenever we saw them they would be sitting huddled in the corner somewhere with an apple tea comparing the merits of the apple tea from different café's.
"How do they make it?"
"Hot water"
"Wow", before sitting huddled again whispering and ordering another apple tea.
"We should really get some hot water", and then again sitting huddled, sipping and whispering.
We then ran up to a lookout point where we had missed the sunset the night before by 2 minutes and promptly missed it again by 2 minutes.
"Probably wasn’t that good anyway" someone piped as we saw a misty orange red glow following the retreating sun, and people looked and shared their amazing photo's.
"We should just go and get some apple tea." One of the apple tea boys suggested hopefully.
"Yeah apple tea will make up for it." The other replied.

So we wake up full of energy and promise. I order my breakfast and coffee and wait patiently for it to arrive which it did 5 minutes before we had to leave. The coffee arrived 3 minutes later and I burned my tongue trying to get my moneys worth.
We jumped in the bus to see our tour guide is a 95 year old wheezing man. He and the driver looked like twins.
So Hannah whispers to me "Do you think the driver can even see properly?"
I shrugged, "They wouldn’t give a license to just anyone would they?"
We stop and think a bit before shuddering, "Insurance man", Hannah tells me so I feel a little more comfortable.
The driver then put some music on, looks back at the rest of us in the mini bus, "Rock, rock, rock the bus" and tried to get us to see if we could tip the bus by rocking it side to side together and cackling with glee. I knew we were on to a winner instantly. "Who cares if he can even see."
Ariane didn’t seem to be quite as comfortable about it all as Hannah and I. 10 minutes in after much dancing, clapping, swerving wildly to the music/could see properly, he calls for some silence and Colin would have been pleased to know he pointed out exactly where the school of life is located. Unfortunately it also seems to be where a Turkish prison is located. Not sure I would to go there personally. Ariane then asked if maybe the crazy drunk chainsaw man we met in Scotland went there as well.
Our first point of call was a small underground city. Not knowing what to expect we just casually strolled up.
"Oh by the way everyone, if anyone is afraid of enclosed spaces you may want to wait outside."
Ariane stopped a second, "Ummm,…"
"You'll be right", we assured her while dragging a clearly uncomfortable Ariane into the cave mouth.
"Guy's umm not really…" she stopped talking then and just followed really closely. "Ariane look how dark it is, what if the lights went out?"
"Ohhh, that would be so cool." Hannah and I say giggling with glee, "We could play hide and seek!"
"You'd never be able to find me"
"I doubt you could even find your way out of this maze."
This didn’t seem to help Ariane at all as she seemed quite terrified during the whole thing for some reason. Seriously though it was quite brave of her and Hannah and I were so proud of her and she never said a word and carried our stuff silently. It was the best place I have ever been to and totally amazing because it could hold 2000 people and people just dug it out 4000 years ago. The air was also crystal clear and fresh. It was from top to bottom 140m high. Absolutely amazing and it was only found 50 years ago. It is also said there are about 300 cities the same and people just find them all the time and there are heaps more unfound or just they don’t tell anyone. I would believe it because there are literally thousands of man made caves everywhere you look and no-one would go to them or even notice if the entrance was covered.
"I was the first guide here you know" our guide stated proudly, no one doubted him. "Do you know it was sealed for 2000 years and no one even knew it was here."
"DO you think maybe they left some monkey's in there before they sealed it and they evolved into a super monkey race?", I asked Hannah hopefully.
After the crushing answer we moved onto our next point of call a monastery in a gorge that was cool. From a distance it looked like a plain but when you got there, there was a deep gorge 140m tall and in the walls were the standard man made caves.
"No Mika no super monkeys here either", Hannah harshly pointed out as I looked at her.
We had lunch and my 'chicken' tasted like the fish Hannah was eating.
We next went to another hill with caves and churches which were carved into the hill and it was where the Christians hid from the Roman Empire. Hannah gave her last film to Ariane just before we arrived and then was instantly wishing she hadn't because it was really quite impressive.
"The sky is so beautiful", she kept crying.
"Ummm, don’t you see these amazing rock carved churches?" I replied helpfully but the sky was just amazing her too much to notice.
We got back into the van with the usual breaking, swerving to music, clapping, rocking before we arriving at a pottery place and then onto some fairy chimneys.
"Did you notice we didn’t have any music on but he was still swerving to what I presume was a song in his head."
"Some people just have natural rhythm I guess."
We arrived home and Frank and I wanted to go out and party so we played some pool. Danced a bit and there was a pretty girl there getting so much attention and she was lapping it up going from boy to boy so I swaggered on over to her.
"I know what you are up to." I began.
"What?"
"I know what your up to." I replied obviously.
"What am I up to?"
"You cant fool me. I know your game."
"What game?"
"You know"
"Excuse me what am I up to? I have no 'game'".
I suddenly started to look afraid.
"Its beginning, You started it!", I cried as I ran screaming from her.
I sat in the corner and giggled a bit, laughing at how humorous I can be sometimes.
"What's beginning?" she said when she had found me again.
"No, no stop doing it!" I screamed.
"Wait! Come back, what am I up to?" she said to the retreating me. Whenever she came near me for the next few attempts I would do the Catholic cross of protection. She then sat down for 10 minutes looking rather confused before coming to find me again.
"Don’t come near me, you'll do it to me as well!"
She then threw her hands up in frustration and left after I had then ran away waving my hands over my head as if to brush away the invisible bees, "Get away from me satan spawns." Maybe a bit much but I was getting carried away with my own cleverness and creativity. You see sometimes pretty girls need a reality check so I had decided to give her one.
It was 3am when Frank and I returned to our slumbering friends. I decided to tip toe in to avoid waking them so I took massive steps yelling "Tip, Toe" for each successive stops.
I wondered why they were awake so I asked them, "I was being so stealth, here look.", before I did it for them again for good measure so they could all see the whole thing. It was real lucky I did it for someone had sabotaged the door.
"Someone has sabotaged the door!" I cried, "lucky I came back and checked it, I bet they didn’t hear me sneaking about and I almost surprised the sabotagee's. Don't worry girls, " I said after a bit of careful work (in the dark), "I fixed it!" I said triumphantly. "I think they (they being the sabotagers) didn’t have the time to do a proper job of breaking the door."
Hannah and Ariane seemed on the point of pointing out to me that no one had touched the door since I had left it about 15 seconds before coming in and it had been fine before then. I then regaled everyone with stories for an hour before finally going to sleep, at 4am.

We had agreed to meet Frank and his brother at Cappadoccia but the previous night we had wrote them and cleverly stated we would be there a night later the we actually were. Lucky they didn’t get the email and had booked us a room because it was booked out. First night we booked a tour for all the caves etc but were a bit apprehensive because of how much the Gallipoli one had sucked.
"So the guide is young?"
"Yes, Yes of course very young and cool" was the reply, in broken English.
"Are you sure? Is he funny as well?"
"Yes, Yes of course very funny and cool"
I started to wonder if he just picked one word in our question and had some sort of standard answer with the one word inserted.
"Well if he says so it must be true, eh?" I said with a lot more confidence than I felt.

We had made plans to visit an Ottoman village and jumped on the bus. At the stop we bought a kebab each and 2 drinks.
"3 Kebabs, 1 without onion."
"2 Kebabs, 3 with onion?" the shop keeper replied confidently.
"No, 3 kebabs, 1 without onion."
"1 onion and 3 kebabs.."
In the end we decided to leave it at that.
"12 Lira." So we grabbed some cash and I only had 2 5's and a 50 so I hand over the 50 and he fossiked around, saw my 2 5's and grabbed them so I grabbed his 10 and he looks down passes me a 5 and a 20 while I grab his other 20 and he takes my 10 which he looks at and give me a 20 and takes my 5 so I get the 20 and take his 10. We looked at each other and he says confidently, "Ok!?".
"Nope Mate, swap me this 10 for you 20 and give me the 5 and I'll take the 10." So this began another furious money exchange. "Ok" he says again when I had exactly what I had before. "Umm, you took my 2 5's for you 10 and a 50 so you only gave me the 20 and a 5 so I need another 20 but you gave me a 10 instead", I replied clearly. Then someone came who spoke English and we got it all sorted finally. Then Ariane decided she wanted a drink as well….
We arrived at the village and stayed in a very cool house like the house in Wales but not as much stone with all the weird levels etc. The place was in a Nipon book so it was full of little ninja's. One didn’t seem to appreciate the musical I preformed that night in my sleep and Hannah said he kept rolling over and Tsk-ing. I hoped it wasn't ninja for I have a good poison for you. We planned to stay a day but we walked around for 1hr and saw it all pretty much so decided to go to Cappadoccia. The pension (hostel) lady thought she had offended us. I personally thought the ninja was going to give me some of the deadly ninja 'tsk' poison. I think even the monkey butlers can die from it.

We spent the day with the Czech boy walking around the Bazaar bargaining. We got some cracking deals.
Hannah, "How much?"
"20 Lira"
"That’s Bollocks, the other shop has that shirt for 6", clearly a lie.
That shopkeeper decided to play his trump card early stating smugly, "I have been to Gallipoli…" We waited for an 'and' or some point to that statement.
5 seconds silence and Hannah and I look at each other, "I think it means no we cant have it for 6." Maybe they have a bazaar guide book which they teach them a couple of useful phrases like that, confuse. We got it for 8 with our haggling. A good victory. Tintin t-shirts are like gold dust!
That night we had a couple of beers where Frank the Czech informed us Czech's had on average a beer a day a person (including babies). I didn’t doubt it watching him drink and then he picked up his brother who had thought it prudent to drink a bottle of whiskey on the train from Greece and was passed out in the station. We only knew because someone had rang someone on his phone who rang Frank. That night I tried to sell Ariane and Hannah to everyone I met to try and raise some hard currency. Even when I pointed out how good their teeth was no one was buying. Ariane then took some mild offence to everything and attacked me with fingers extended. When I added they scratch as well no one still took them, Seeing as I had their credit cards I showed everyone them to see if that would help. I asked the bar tender if he would give me 6 camels instead of cash (I was getting desperate Ariane was starting to hiss and be aggressive and I was concerned someone would notice the rabies she had gotten from the kittens) Frank took them in the end when I was giving them away for free. Ariane was so sad about leaving me she kept trying to give me a hug or something I didn’t want her rabies so I kept a safe distance. Leaving can be so emotional. I was so touched by her concern, I almost asked for them back. That night the policeman slept opposite me, I didn’t move in case he thought I was a burglar.

Next day we arose nice and early ready for our big day (again for some). Hannah greeted us at breakfast, "I have a great idea, lets go walk around today until we are exhausted!" Ariane and I looked at each other not daring to say what we both felt, legs on fire etc "so tomorrow we can hardly walk" Hannah continued. We were about to add something, but didn’t.
Hannah started getting excited about the Grand Bazaar regaling us with stories about how we are going to get mobbed by 1000's of people telling and vying for our attention, "It'll be crazy guys!" I said we should wait until later and it will be real busy and better but by now she was chaffing at the bit. "Lets go, Lets go" said a hundred thousand times tends to get one moving. We arrived at the Grand Bazaar and were greeted by a small trickle of people and shop keepers more interested in picking their finger nails and looking bored than greeting. You would think Hannah would learn but she doesn’t. It's amusing watching her imagine things though.
We wandered around the place but didn’t buy anything. Crossed a bridge and walked around these back streets and saw real Turkish life. Was interesting not to see tourists. Took some pictures and wandered listening to a story by Ariane about a hungry midget in midget city who had to go to Siberia to get something to eat. Yes we did wonder what someone had slipped into her coke.
We watched the sun go down and Ariane played with some rabid kittens. Found a cat with a glass marble eye. I am disturbed now even thinking about it. I think it sold one eye to Satan personally. Hannah thinks it one of those new Comi robot spying eye cats. I tend to maybe agree. I took a picture and hoped the Comi's didn’t see my face properly. Maybe the CIA will be interested.
Way back was crazy and I deliberated at whether I should tell my mother but seeing as I am writing this out of Turkey she can hear it now. We were walking on a bridge and this gang war broke out about 20m away involving about 60 men. People were beating each other with chair legs and chains and someone pulled out a gun. I asked Hannah to start filming but she didn’t, probably a good idea retrospectively. Anyway we hear bangs and we were sticking out heads out say "wow, why would someone be firing a cap gun for?", "yeah weird would do much you'd think." Soon dawned on us, when everyone was lying flat on the ground around us and yelling at us stupid tourists to get down, that it might have been a real gun. So we got down. Although I kept looking because it was fascinating. The 2 groups moved away and I saw the gang pick up knives and throw them into the water. Riot police soon arrived dressed like a baseball team and armed with not much more than a baton and a radio between them and basically got the crap beaten out of themselves. Soon more police came and the situation calmed down and the two gangs disappeared. I took 2 pictures but it was getting dark and you cant see much. It was quite amazing though. I was quite safe though except when the dude was firing his gun. No one got hit because he fired into the wall and the air.
That night I was reading a book and someone invited me to their table which was 3 Turkish boys and a Czech and 2 Slovenian girls. One of the Turkish boys was clearly making one of the girls quite uncomfortable and was trying to get rescued but I didn’t feel like it. Probably lucky in the end because that night Hannah was going mental because the man next to her bed was snoring so loudly. She didn’t wake him up, but it was him, which was lucky because he had a gun under his pillow. So a group discussion came to the conclusion that we would be nice to him. So we were nice to him from then on. That morning I kindly pointed out the snorer to Hannah so she could abuse him for a giggle but she didn’t. Turned out he was a policeman so we had nothing to worry about.

New city and new beginning. After our Gallipoli adventure/disaster (ok it was interesting but so boring) we need something new and exciting. A city of about 10 million seemed just the ticket. So we headed towards a small located 100m up the hill. Upon arrival I stood amazed at how not small it was and then turn and see this other massive one 100m away. Intuition kicked in and told I was standing between the Blue Mosque and Aya Sophia. I quickly dug into my bad, grabbed the camera and started snapping. I figure I already look like a tourist with my white skin and blazing blue/green/grey eyes so I may as well be looking like a total tourist. Although at least I would look like a stupid tourist as well and could be ignored. Ignored, speaking of which I looked around for my two trustee companions loyal as puppy dogs they are always at my side never not beside, "Guys?.... Guys…. Seriously… Stop playing guys…" I got a few Americans look at me and laugh the worst insult, "Guys…?" Screw them I thought, they can leave me all alone, I will have fun without them. More fun that they could imagine having, I could go where I wanted be free like a bird without those girls holding me back. So I trumbled miserably along, not enjoying it, before I finally found them amount the throngs. I casually strolled up to them pretending not notice, "Oh hey guys you seen the stuff over there?", as I waved in some direction I imagined had something exciting (ie monkey butlers, midgets etc), "It was great, so you're lining up to get in, nice I didn’t have to line up because you have been waiting here" I didn’t add 'like suckers'. So inside we went and it was quite cool, but strange at how different it was from Christian churches. Nothing in there but mats on the floor and lights suspended from the ceiling Next stop was Aya Sophia where Hannah was a touch moody so decided to wait outside while Ariane and I explored. It was bloody expensive so I was imagining a lavish palace with monkey butlers peeling me grapes and midgets fanning my ankles so I was quite dismayed when not even regular monkeys greeted me or normal size people tending to my needs. It was quite cool but not worth the price. We exited into the sun figuring Hannah could not have possibly been waiting 45minutes for us so heading back to the Hostel. She wasn’t there so we thought we would take a short wander through the streets. Short wander and then got hungry and couldn’t find anywhere so in the maze of streets we got deeper and deeper until 2hrs later I found a kebab shop. The ones which are everywhere except where we had been walking for the last 2hrs that is. Stumbled into the Grand Bazaar, didn’t look so grand but then again it was closed being Sunday and all. So I took Ariane on an extended 3hr tour of Instanbul. Finally stumbled back late afternoon to be greeted by a surprisingly upbeat Hannah. "I've been looking for you. I waited 3hrs for you". We looked at each other, "Oops… I guess." Looked down kicked some pebbles. "I am so bored guys, let go explore". Ariane and I stare exhaustedly at each other and reply very guiltily, "Umm well you see here Hannah, while searching for you as well.. errmmm uumm.. we became quite exhausted" A few quiet coughs, silence. "Ok we'll go for a beer." Thank god for beers for forgiveness. Poor girl. All she wanted was to go for a run and get some exercise. She didn’t seem to find our adventures as amusing as us, like the American man walking along booming loudly, "Go way. Why are you all bothering me, I don’t want to buy anything" while cooling his hot brow with a big fat wad of American dollars
(no joke!). Or at the 3 kids trying to steal this bag off a lady and her husband. So we laughed at her stories which weren’t exciting just because we felt sorry for her.

Ariane got put in charge of getting us to Gallipoli seeing as going there meant so much to her, being Canadian and all. There were 2 people after all who were Canadian during the campaign. She got us off at the complete wrong place but we stayed because they had tours there. It was the worst tour I could imagine because it was just so boring. Hannah kept asking some twins reuniting, but I think she was so bored that she was making up her own story in her head to keep occupied. The place was and all but he was monotoned and seriously who needs 1hr to see a small beach and to read one plaque at each of the 17 monuments we visited which all looked the same. Also his boasting about how foolish the Anzacs were and how brave and wonderful the Turks were when they slaughtered the Anzacs did help much either.
After a 27hr tour we finally escaped but at least we had the knowledge that we had given the Canadian some good Aussie history. Looking back it did have good moments like chasing each other through the maze of trenches and going into the tunnel which he told us not to go in. If there is one thing I have learnt from the Paky is that you are never coming back and the worst that can happen is someone will tell you not to do something. It's not like they will arrest you or send you to jail. I am not going to be concerned about his feelings when I look back and think of what I could have done. Oh I could have gone through a tunnel but the man said not to and I feel really good that I missed going through it and seeing something no one else sees because it would have terrible if he had gotten cranky at me…. Some places the trenches were only about 7m apart and you could through a grenade into the opposite trench easily. They said 400 people a day died on average and that was not including the people who just got injured.

Butterfly Valley and the Beautiful Seda

Cyprus
Left London had these great plans to clean the house up and so my flat mate didn't get molested. Left the house with 17 people sleeping over, including my housemate. She asks is there going to be anyone around when I wake up. No No I reply confidently, everyone is coming out with me at 4am as we look at the watch and see its 1am in the morning. Anyway as probably I should have realised we left (Ariane, Hannah and I, codenamed for the rest of the trip Alpha, Hotel, Mike) that the rest of the 14 people staying over probably thought it was as good an idea getting 2 hrs sleep as we did and just slept there anyway. So sorry Rach if you are reading this.On the plane slept the whole way. Did you know it's a 15 min flight to Cyprus and not 4 hrs as they say. 1 second someone was telling me what to do in an emergency and the next we are descending to land. It was lucky I had on my Jumper, jeans, long sleeve shirt beanie, long socks etc because as we got out and into the 31C heat I finally felt a might bit warm. Took me about 2 steps before I realised I wished I was in Siberia.The girls wanted to change money but I cleverly advised them not to because they will rort you at the airport I swear. Anyway got through customs and realised it was the only money changing place and we needed a Taxi. So I sent the weasel aka Hannah back through customs and the angry man with the machine gun to change some money. It was 15 pounds to get to the city. It was real lucky then that Hannah only changed 14. He was quite a bit angry. At least we got it cheaper. Should have been 7 but they all banded together and wouldn't take us.Walked around admiring the women, I mean view. I don't know what they put in the water here but every single girl who is young is so darn hot. Even Hannah and Ariane agree. All the boys are apparently ugly as well. No one in kilts or something according to Hannah.Took a taxi to this other place I can't remember the name of and managed to score a taxi that was going that way anyway for cheap. It was a bit disconcerting when he gets on the freeway grins back at us and put his seat belt on and floors it quickly reaching 160km/h. Jacob would have been proud. Lucky there were only 2 lanes otherwise he might have been more confused about which lane he was on than he already did get. Needless to say we got there swiftly. Very swiftly.After taking my heart medication which I still had from driving with the Paky through Europe we missed the bus to where we were going but ended up scoring a cheaper way to get there in the end. Did it the local way. Back streets winding roads etc etc. Got to Troodos and to the Hostel were wanted to get and found a dilapidated ruin. Guessing that our 1966 lonely planet may have been wrong we found a camping place instead. Had a fire that night with some wood which Hannah weaseled from a little kid. He as crying with happiness I think when Hannah grabbed it from his hands. The whole language barrier made it hard to express how happy he was to give it to us.Next morning thought we would take a quick stroll to this monastery. 2 hrs in the heat walking on the bitumen road soon tempered that idea and so we got a hitch to a waterfall instead. Ariane wasn't quite as amused about the whole heat thing as the rest of us. "Ariane are you hot?" A quick stare/glare.Walked into this town and went to the tourist information to ask various things. Ariane soon ended any help she gushed can you get to Turkey from here somehow? Turkey the lady stammers confused, No you cannot get to Turkey now you leave. Apparently they are still pissed about the invasion 30 years ago and the people who died and the continuing occupation of the north of the island. Very pissed. Now we don't say the "T" word.Anyway next morning, off to Lefksia the capital. Took the local bus and got here a lot cheaper. Found a hostel with a friendly man and lots of Germans and 26 rabid cats and here we are. Went to the Lefkosa Turkish/Cyprus line and took some pictures and got into trouble by the army man with a big machine gun. Got the picture though so it was worth it.

More Tax for YOU!
Now I know where I am in the story, I mean in what we have been doing I can continue again.Anyway The Next night we were having some wines at the Hostel and Ariane and Hannah's roommate who is Half German/Greek sat with us as well and so we were chatting and made a plan to go with her the next day to this Monastery.Next morning comes around and Hannah is fossiking around the room whispering louder and louder mika, bump, mika, bump, MIKA BUMP!.. Oh so you're awake that's lucky. Wanna do something seeing as you are up already. Me not even knowing I was up yet had to comply. Easier than trying to fight it.So up we get and have some coffees, not even sure why Hannah needs them because she is crazy energy girl anyway. She was contemplating a second when we realised we had to meet Nicole so we raced back and got ready.So Nicole being a Greek speaking was soon put in charge of working out the local buses and how we were going to get there. The trip was really exciting because we all sat in different seats and didn't speak to each other. You know how it is, 1hr bus trip and you just want to look out the window and not talk because it makes the time go quicker.... .. We get to the monastery and then Nicole has a good idea to call up the bus service and see when the next bus back to Lefkosia is. Sometimes it is just handy to know these things. Anyway 20 seconds later she comes back and informs us that the last bus is at 11am. I quickly look at the watch to check how much time we have and notice it's about 10:58. Maybe the next bus is coming in 2 minutes I suggest hopefully knowing that I have about as much chance of that being true as something that there isn't much chance of coming true.We had to see the monastery seeing as we knew there was a nice 26km walk back to the city greeting us in the close foreseeable future. It was pretty cool in there and seemed like a terrible life for the nuns. All that sitting around doing some contemplating in the 5 star accommodations.So anyway we had to start our hike sooner or later so we start our trip back ruing the day we forgot the water. There were some fig trees and grapes on the side of the road so I did a bit of bush tuckering and figured out which plants were the grape trees and which were the fig ones. Lucky they had me around or else I don't know what could have happened. They may have starved to death.After a while some man took pity on me carrying the 3 girls single handedly and gave us a hitch. It was alright though. Not too much of a mission in the 40degree heat and few hours walking.....Back in the city we soon found ourselves a nice kebab shop for some food with a Cyrus lady cursing the foreigners and how she will never forgive the Turkish. So she asks us where we are heading next. I reply confidently Israel, while Hannah pipes up Egypt! And Ariane mumbles Greece. I quickly realise the mistake and continue Greece! As Hannah says Israel and Ariane retorts Egypt. We all turn silent for a second, look at each other wondering what to do. Leaving crazy lady seemed the best idea so we backed away dodging the gaze of her finding so many wonderful things to see on the ground and stuff while saying I just have to go and.. umm. .. See ... what's that mate, oh ok hang on I'll catch up.That night we make our plans for getting to north Cyprus to the Turkish part. As we cross the border we go from the place of many pretty girls to man land. I swear I don't think I saw a single lady. Quite crushing. I was quite getting used to it as well. We bade our goodbyes to Nicole and took a taxi to the port where we were going to stay a day before heading off to Turkey.There was the most amazing castle there so we had a quick look around and it was crazy. The walls were so thick and it was soo good to finally go somewhere and you could just walk around anywhere and there were no bars in the way stopping you from going to all those really good places which you know they are trying to stop people from looking at. Also no stupid bars on the walls so you could fall off the edge if you so chose to. Very Cool. I chose not to though. Either did Hannah or Ariane in case you were wondering.Had a look around the city and talked to some Kiwi's who said if we wanted a swim to go to this resort and just swim there cus the water was polluted. So we strolled in casually pretending we owned the place. I guess all us white boys look the same to them cus we stayed in there the longest. We even had to deal with some tourist staying there getting in the way of us using the pool as a competition area. I mean the cheek. There was the kiddie's pool for the people wanting to lounge around in the water while we had some serious business to attend to. Like who is the fastest swimmer. (Winner Me) who can do 2 laps under water (winner me by a lap even with Hannah having a mid pool fight on the way back) and for Ariane to show us her synchronized swimming. They soon moved though with us yelling to them to get out of the way. heheh.Back at the hotel we on the balcony we met some Ozzy ladies who were very funny. They were teachers doing a conference there and we had a good night with some wines and dancing. A man even gave me a cigar for free so we all puffed on that and I got a free head spin. It was so funny. Some Turkish boys were up there as well and I put on some Michael Jackson and one of them did the best Michael Jackson dancing, was so funny. I think he seriously thought he was Mr. Jackson himself. They even had there own team routine and everything.Next day we got to the port and bought our tickets to Turkey. We paid through the roof but it wasn't there fault seriously because of the taxes. I paid a Student Tax (serious!) a foreigner tax, a government tax, a traveling with 2 girl's tax, a blue eye tax a tax for being the only boy, a tax for the water a tax for the food. I was soon getting so furious. On the furious scale I was easily a 9 and couldn't do anything about it because we couldn't Turkish and every time I refused to pay they wouldn't let me go future to get on the dang Boat. Makes me furious now thinking about it.Anyway made it just in time for the 11am ferry which didn't leave till 2:30. Didn't help the tax fury. Then the 7 hour Ferry trip took 9 hrs which also didn't help when we arrived and paid the late tax, the blue eye tax, the government tax ,,,..... Bloody taxes. Raped us silly the stupid taxes. My furiousness soon subsided when Ariane had to pay a Canadian tax and me and Hannah didn't. hehehehe. I don't think she felt the same way though. Then we went to the Hotel and they guy said we could have a room for way cheaper than the so called price.Next morning usual Hannah wake up call, before we go do down stairs and organize a plan for the next few days. Hannah had been going on about Dinatopia/Olympos and their tree houses for the last few million years so much that she couldn’t even enjoy the now so to shut her up we decided to go there. Really I am just as excited but I know I can seem like I am doing her a favor and then she will owe me. We catch an 8hr, 6hr bus trip after paying the blue eye tax. The bus had no toilet so I couldn’t drink water because I didn’t want to have to go to the toilet. I was quite hot and bothered by the end at about a 7 in the scale of hot and bothered. Soon rose to an 8 with Hannah harping on about how nice her cold water was.Seeing as our punctual bus was so late we had to catch another mini bus to Olympos from Antalya and arrived in the middle of nowhere just in time to miss the last bus to the hostel.So the bus driver took a bit of pity on the crazy foreigners who had no idea and woke up the poor kid from the house near the bus stop. He tried unsuccessfully to get us a taxi but it didn’t arrive so we stayed in this little seating area under the stars. Very cool and free. We were quite stoked. By now my opinion of the Turks was quite high because they are just so friendly. Do anything for you, they would. We had to all sleep in the same mattress/rug so in the morning the father came out to congratulate me on having such fine 2 women all for myself. Couldn’t understand him but his actions spoke louder than words. I think he took my no, no they are just good friends and something about razor blades as encouragement and kept doing more actions and laughing. All good fun. Someone a few days before asked if Hannah and I are a couple and she said that she would rather swallow razor blades so I had to get her back. It’s the whole opposite thing. We have a theory that we cancel each other out. If I say right she says left and she wants beans I want meat etc. Anyway so if I don’t make things even then the whole universe might become unbalanced or even collapse.We set off to our tree house place and looked despairingly at the diseased, crumpled twig stuck in the ground which allows us to call our ‘dog kennel’ a tree house. It was the cheapest so we shrugged our shoulders and climbed the rickety stair wondering if it was supposed to be missing those steps. The missing roof slates made me figure it was all part of the greater design.We soon set about exploring after paying the beach tax and the blue eye tax. I found a nice jumping rock and was instantly banned by the girls from having any fun. ‘you’ll die’, ‘there are rocks’, ‘ its shallow’, cry, cry.

The way I saw it was overhanging ledge, nice height and very deep. Shows you what girls know. After having all my fun spoilt we climbed around these ruins and by some divine chance I found myself looking down from the very ledge we had found earlier. I pleaded with the girls but was once again refused any fun.Later that afternoon though there was some guy up there so I climbed the cliff which was infinitely more crazy than the jump to go ask them if they were jumping, knowing full well the only way down was to jump. ‘Ya Ya’, the Germans replied in unison as one launched himself off the edge and landed with his legs too far apart. ‘You alright?’, I called down, ‘Ya, ya’, he replied before going back down under to sort his bits and pieces out. He looked a little winded to me personally. I quickly showed him how to go and do it properly. Ariane tells me I have this flying squirrel style. I take it as a compliment along with Hannah's monkey boy. Anyway my bits and pieces were all in the right place so I climbed back again looking enviously at the Germans with their climbing shoes. I cut myself quite a few times but it was so worth it. Didn’t get any pictures so I can tell Mum it was only about 5m tall. Oh yeah and the ladder…Seeing as our tree house wasn’t quite as good as Swiss family Robinsons ( I had been getting quite excited about the monkey butlers personally) Hannah soon got excited about Canyoning telling us how you abseil, rock jump, under water caves, rapids etc, etc and seeing as we still hadn’t learnt our lesson we agreed to go. So after leaving the obligatory 1 hr late we jumped in the jeep with 9 Turks and the 3 of us. Near the Canyon he stopped the car and asks who is at the back. Word filters back down in broken English, Chinese whispers style, ‘Green parrot jumps the blue ferry, white rabbit’ I sit up and try to understand better as he jams the jeep into first and floors it, launching the car forward and me backwards, a split second it starts the rough part and basically I ended up sitting on Hannah's seat and Hannah on mine and Ariane clinging fearfully for her life to the side of the car door. Great fun and I was glad my calls for ‘faster, faster’ were answered.So off we began on our 40 minute walk up on a hill in the sun. Ariane was soon an 8 and because I was enjoying laughing at her sweating and swearing in French, time flew for me. Also the fact there was a really pretty girl with us also helped. I sneaked one or two glances at her as well. None were returned.Anyway the climbing/swimming up the gorge was really good fun and there was a small cliff jump as well which was fun. I somehow managed to fall far behind a few times by mistake and found myself somehow helping the cute Turkish girl. Purely chance of course. One minute I was looking at a particularly good stone and the next she was besides me. Still didn’t talk to her though, was too shy and didn’t think she spoke English anyway.On the walk back I wanted to take a picture and for some strange reason I couldn’t work out my camera properly but when I did I was half way between Ariane and Hannah and the hot Turkish girl. I chose wisely and decided to wait for the Turkish girl. I mean she was walking by herself and it would have just been rude to let her walk alone. Sometimes I surprise myself at how much of a martyr I am.I asked her name and promptly forgot it she asked mine and remembered it. But she spoke English so we chatted and she asked if we would all go to the Bull bar. My crew, and her crew. I reluctantly agreed. The things you do to be nice.Back home I broke the news to the girls that we were going out and I wasn’t taking no as an answer so I made up a story about there being some French boys there. Even then I had to promise them I would be their slaves for a week. Well worth it I thought.Anyway I got the girls to dress me up as cool as they could and set off. I saw her up front so I was getting quite excited because I wasn’t sure if she was actually going. Anyway I was soon despairing because she went into a different club and I didn’t want her to think I was stalking her so was about to go home. After a beer Hannah convinced me we should go anyway and make sure. I was very surprised and happy to see her there. I couldn’t believe my luck. I was even more thinking I was dreaming when I walked her home and got a very nice goodnight kiss, or two.Next day after about 3hrs sleep because our sauna/’tree house’ got hot I waited around very impatiently for 1pm to come around because that was the time we had agreed to meet up again. I went around at about 12:30 because I couldn’t wait.As always it was a bit awkward and weird with us both not knowing what to do. After some damage control because she though I didn’t like her and he me, it was all good again.Our two groups went out that night again and had lots of fun. It was a bit sad though because we all liked each other and were having a good time but they were leaving the next day. I found out Seda’s ex was really good friends with 2 of them but because they liked me (they are a good judge of character) it was ok but I was slightly nervous though after that. They all lived in Izmir so we promised to go and meet them again there. Needless to say I couldn’t wait to get there because she was very cool and very, very sweet. And gorgeous. She was very cute because she taught me to say something to girls which I would think is a compliment but was really quite offending. Very cheeky.I was so tired because of 6hrs sleep in 2 nights because our sauna is so hot we lounged around all next day trying to fight the fly’s away. Ariane got scabies that day and so now me and Hannah have 2 bites each as well. Damn Canadians.

Kas etcNext day was full of promise for a new beginning in a new town. Jumped in the mini bus and headed excitedly to Kas, a sleepy town nested between mountains full of excitement and adventure. Or that's what the brochure told us anyway. Made us realise why they said Olympos was better. So seeing as it was such an exciting place we decided to stay there 6 days. We were waiting for Julian, Arianes brother and we weren't sure when he would arrive and it kept being tomorrow he is coming for about 4 days. Slowly became mad because there is only so many days you can walk around a town of 100 people. Even the Israelites only needed 7 days to walk around Jerusalem and that was way bigger. In our boredom Hannah and I went shopping and bought ourselves a real waterproof Jaga watch and about 76 bits of leather wrist and neck things. One for each time we went around the city.Once Julian arrived we couldn't get out of there quick enough and head for Fethiye. Now if we thought Kas was boring we knew nothing because it was even more boring so we left the next day for butterfly valley a small bus and boat trip away.Butterfly valley is a place where there are no roads and lots of hippy people. We slept under the stars on a rickety wooden platform. In that one day because we had been doing nothing for far too long we did enough for about 6 days. Upon arrival we jumped into the water for a swim where I soon found a really good jumping rock. Started smallish a couple of times to get warmed up before I found a massive place about 1.5 times as high as the Olympos rock. There wasn't a place to jump so much a tiny fragment of rock to put the heel of my left foot. I had been climbing the cliff not paying attention to how high I was and after a particularly difficult bit of climbing I looked down and almost fainted and then nearly had a heart attack when I realised the only way down was to jump. Usually I like to go up, rest quickly and jump as soon as I got my breath. Looking down seemed to take away my breath every time I did it so I wasn't getting my breathe back all that quickly. Hannah and Ariane didn't help yelling words of encouragement like “don't do it you will die”, “you'll break your legs”, “we are not going to swim you back to shore”. There stories of people they knew who jumped and broke their legs didn't help much either. So after 10 minutes of deliberation I said my final prayers and launched myself tentatively outwards not daring to go upwards at all incase the extra 20cm made it that extra tiny bit too high. Flying squirrel style became retarded goat eating a pie flop style but I managed to hit the water vertical so there were no worries. I instantly wanted to do it again but we didn't have the time, you know.

Time is money and we had more to do that day like go to the waterfall which had attracted a hefty 3 lira price tag to go visit. So we waited patiently for the man to leave his post for a second and darted through laughing at all the suckers who paid. At the end of the path and looking at the pathetic piddle of stagnant water barely trickling over a 5m rock made us laugh harder. I began wondering where all the butterflies were as well because I had yet to see head nor tail of one. Was going to head back there until I saw a sign saying “climbing waterfall is dangerous and can cause serious injury or death” so I instantly decided to climb the waterfall. People always only put up sign so you miss all the exciting stuff. Like “no entry” generally means they are breeding a secret race of super monkey butlers and they don't want people to find out about them. Well that's my theory anyway. Climbing up wasn't so difficult and I was really happy when I saw lots of little butterflies. Julian came up as well and 15 minutes later we saw the real waterfall and it was quite impressive. Butterflies fluttering around a 100m nice moss covered and a fine spray. I didn't have a camera so I went down and told Ariane and Hannah it was really easy to get up, errmmm ummm. Hannah went first and I helped Ariane up so Hannah being Hannah got lost following the water up to the waterfall somehow. For a so called map girl she gets lost quite easy. I guess it was confusing following the directions follow the stream up till you get to a massive waterfall. They told me though that an Aussie had died climbing up and that was the reason for the signs. But it was good because no one but us was up there besides the butterflies. Anyway we returned to camp and planned our next mission. But I will leave that for another time because it has taken me over an hour to type this.
We returned to camp and decided we hadn’t don’t quiet enough yet and wanted to climb out of the valley. The cliffs were about 300m high but the sign “path to Valley” just looked too inviting. 5 minutes in the sign “Path Dangerous” sold it to us, well to me anyway but seeing as I am the boss… I took us on a short cut over this shale mountain which was exciting. Slipping and sliding causing landslides and such. There such whingers’ “Mika stop causing piles of rocks and dust to fall on us” “Mika your causing another landslide” I don’t know what they were talking about because I didn’t see a single rock fall on my head at the front.Some places there were ropes to help us up. I took some great action pictures for the record of everyone but Ariane and Hannah didn’t appreciate them. I though the bright red faced hot and bothered look made the picture more exciting. She disagreed and made sure she deleted the real angry one of her when I wasn’t looking. Me laughing at them climbing didn’t help much I don’t think.At the top was a Pension. Hannah asked the man if we could have some of his grapes and he enthusiastically agreed by p[putting a rickety chair on an even more rickety table and precariously crawled up amongst much creaking and groaning, a wobbling. That was him. I had to go and hold his balancing circus act of a stool so I could sleep at night. 30 minutes later Hanna and Arianes faces had returned to normal rosy red so we climbed back down. Ariane led and set a cracking pace and even found a path around my short cut.After much needed dinner in which I got refused a 3rd helping we decided to make a fire. Only problem was it was real dark and we no wood. Julian and I went forth and found a nice pile of wood helpfully nailed into a nice structure so we could pull the timber off for our convenient use. Some places make things so easy. Hannah and I began to do an Aborigine rain dance for the Canadians. The locals took it as a dance of welcome and came and sat around our fire. Two people arrived with guitars and sang etc and it was pretty cool. No one even really noticed the sign Welcome to Butterfly valley burning in the fire either. At about 2 everyone left so the Canadians did a Inuit dance before Hannah and I did a hunt. She was the emu and I was the hunter. She took her part very seriously and came after me and kicked me full in the shin, dropping us both to the ground, me screaming “you kicked me in the shin’ her crying’ my toe, my toe, why did you shin me in the shoe’ ‘because you came running in suddenly, kicking and flailing and I happened to have my shin in the way of your kicking!’. Everyone thought it was hilarious and part of the dance show, everyone being only the crowd.On the boat back the next day one of the drivers caught a fish. Plenty of fish in that sea I guess. Hahah.Next destination was Pamukkale, white paradise, or so the sign said. Bus trip there was real fun. At the bus stop we were met by about 16 men all with buses going to Pamukkale screaming at us excitedly, promising us the world. We went with the one who told us his was the only direct bus there all others were small buses and you had to change a few times. So we jumped onto our small bus with our knees in our chins and watched the driver take us on a tour of the mountains while he drove, changed hears, talked on one phone while texting on another and smoking his cigarette. I figured out then hat if in doubt about which lane to drive n drive on both waiting for the other person coming the other way to make the decision for you. After about the 3rd bus change I was getting quiet furious but as much as Ariane who was luckily squashed up besides a boy with a desire to have her seat shown by the fact that he was half on her lap and trying to get even more on there. Turkish boys seem to take a massive frown, the finger, yelling and screaming as an invitation I guess.Upon arrival a man by the name of Mohammad greeted us and promised us a room for very cheap and vegemite for breakfast. If we stayed 2 nights he was going to show us around to a few secret places and a free water pipe which a cheap dinner. The only thing we got was a free internet and leaking smelling toilet. We stayed only one night.Pamukkale is famous for its white cliffs and blue water with small pools on a cliff. The pictures are amazing. The pictures were also taken about 40 years ago. Now it is a bit brown with no water and drains stopping any water which might make its way there. Buggers me why some Einstein figured they should run the water away somewhere else. I had been so excited beforehand. No one agreed with me that we should all get some picks and break the banks of the drains doing them and do everyone a favor.After all the lies we had been told in the last 2 days we were starting to get a touch distrustful. So for the bus to Izmir where I had been ultra excited to see since Seda and co (whoops got to type that bit up but it is Hannah's book), I made him swear on Allah, Mohammad, his mother, his father, and the wild cat I had just found that it was a direct bus and had no changes to pick up the drivers sister who had chickens to deliver at his mothers house which was only an hour out of the way., both directions.Seda and Berna were there to meet us, me running up behind them ad greeting them with a big hug and yelling Merheba (hello) game them a nice little heart attack. Was a little awkward at first seeing them again. They were so nice though ad booked us our Hostel for us. I felt a bit bad when they said they had been looking for another one for us but we couldn’t afford the one they had found. We jumped in a Taxi where the driver grilled poor Seda about when were getting married. Very embarrassing. Lucky I didn’t know what was being said. Seda told me it was a bad area where staying in but beggars cant be choosers. We only paid a small blue eye tax here. The American we met later had a huge tax though so lucky Berna booked for us.

We looked around the city with Berna and Seda and it’s a huge city so lucky they were there to show us around or else we would have had no idea where to go. That night Julian left us with much sorrow and grief. Hannah was devastated because now we were only 3 so our 500 games were ruined. Hannah and Ariane dropped him off at the bus while I kept Seda company. I mean I couldn’t leave her there all alone with only Berna, Gohkan and some of her Uni friends, could I.

Next morning Seda and Berna drove us around and took us for a nice breakfast. The best in Turkey we had, and then around to some sights, before meeting Gokhan and Derya. Gokhan then told us of when we had first met.
"We are friends now so I can ask you this. I was sitting next to you and I could hear you talking about our smoothes asses, why were saying we all had such smooth asses?". We looked at each other "We weren't talking about your asses? Or Hannah! Have you been talking about peoples asses again?" A second later it dawned on us, "oh you mean smooth as! Australians are weird and finish sentences with as, like cool as, smooth as, good as.", "Ooooohhhh, I was worried because I had told everyone you were weird and were looking at all our asses, and comparing them!" All very humorous.

Hannah then had a brilliant idea to get a nose ring but got inside and they convieniantly didn’t have the nose ring that she wanted. All a bit suspect that the next 10 shops didn’t have it either, "I would have gotten one you know, but I have a particular nose ring in mind so I will wait until I find it." Riiight sure Hannah looking for that magical fairy lepricorn one.

That night Gokhan suggested we play truth or dare without the dare, so basically just wanted to ask us a few questions about our culture and way of life. It was interesting to see how much it different from ours. It was pretty funny especially when Gokhans question so how many people have you slept with backfired and he had to answer it. More so when all the girls had barely even kissed a boy before, and his girlfriend only him. It did make us feel weird because we don’t put as much importance on kissing etc as they do. When they say kissed 2 boys before and we say ummm, are you counting just the ones with tongue? And they reply no that’s everything. It was one of the most interesting things because before we didn’t know all that much about the Turks and their culture.

Next day we went for breakfast and no one could speak much English. It's very hard to mime fruit, "Orange, Oh-Are-Aye-En-Gee-Eee", "Hannah speaking like they are retarded or deaf isn't going to help much". Anyway we conveyed some manner of instruction to them of wanting 2 peaches and an orange (the orange for me). He seemed quite proud of himself as well when he returned carrying the spoils. A can of Fanta and two peach juices. Hannah soon confiscated my Fanta so I was stuck with the Peach juice which incidentally tasted horrible. "When would anyone think you would want a fruit drink instead of an actual piece of fruit?", "Yeah, we spelt it out for them quite clearly. O-r-a-n-g-e.", "And even when you where the tree and I was picking apples off your branches and pretended to eat them that was real clear!" When we went outside and saw it was a kebab shop it sort of made more sense though.

That afternoon we went to a cable car and looked over the Izmir harbor then did a 14hr side trip so the Turks could all change before dinner. Hannah was starting to take bites out of my arm by the time we got our dinner. Gokhan locked Darya in the toilet for about 30 minutes which was all amusing for everyone except her especially since the toilet was quite bad. She didn’t laugh as much as the rest of us.

That night we went out for some dancing till 4 in the morning and afterwards Hannah and Ariane agreed to meet me in Gallipoli so I could spend a day alone with Seda.


That night/morning Berna saw some pictures of my friend Colin and was instantly in love so I kindly took a flattering picture of her which I promised to send him. She was hiding in the corner in a very nice 50 year old floral dress, only shame was that she wasn’t facing the camera. A pity.

That night I was also very sick which sucked a lot. The next day I tried to call the girls for a few hours but couldn't get through and in the end went back to the apartment to find they hadn't left because I hadn't phoned them. Lucky because it would have sucked going to Gallipoli alone.

But to sum up Izmir it was wonderful because of Seda and the goodbyes were awful because she is one of the sweetest girls I've met and also very beautiful. I am sad to see her go and will miss her a lot.

Izmir to CanakkuleNow there is 3 of us traveling again which is not such a good number because when in buses someone has to sit next to someone else, someone else being a fat sweaty middle aged man. Always someone is me because being the only male, and if it was someone else it would be the weasel but she always weasels out of doing things like that unless the other seat is empty where in she claims all sorts of rights and ownerships and favors.Anyway this time proved to be no different and it was I who had the good fortune of sitting next to the far sweaty middle aged man. Every now and then you get lucky and score a seat next to someone which has discovered things like soap and deodorant but hell hadn't quite frozen over lately so I managed to score myself a nice smelly one.Straight away I knew there was going to a little trouble He seemed to take silent offence to me invading his seat even though we are given seat numbers and solemnly refused to give up territory, at all. So began my silent vigilance to regain territory I never had but had been too late to claim before my neighbor had claimed squatters rights to. Seeing as we were on the way to Gallipoli the small battle seemed appropriate, except İ wasn't invading a foreign country but was in a battle for survival. He knew from the beginning that I had to have a little space so acceded ground albeit just enough for me to my bum but not my legs in. Initial skirmishes began where all seat room battles begin, with the shoulders. Seeing as he was well established I had to take the forward shoulders position and waited patiently for him to tire and inch his shoulders forward a touch. Being on the defensive attach helped because I couldn't retreat any further that I was at that moment so when he changed the page of the paper he was half reading over my lap I struck with speed and agility. Even though he had tried to be sneaky and not move his left shoulder he underestimated just how skinny I was and I won the first round. Knowing having the shoulders was the basis for all seat battles I refused to budge even when he squirmed to regain the position he had just lost. This gave me more opportunity to get one of my legs in front of me and out of isle because every time that he squirmed he would have to shift his legs for power but since I had the shoulders back position to work from I could quickly gain any ground he given up for the struggle. He quickly saw when I moved my leg his folly and thus brought about a time of regrouping and planning for both of us.He then put away his paper and tried a new tactic to claim back my seat which I was now sure he thought he owned. He turned around and asked the person behind to pass the curtain and stayed facing the window and pushing with his legs hard against me. A very good ploy and would have succeeded but for the fact that the arm rest was not budging and allowing me to fall in the sitting position in the isle. All it did manage to do was make him look homosexual rubbing his butt against me so when he realised and faced the front I quickly snuck my other leg in. By now I had claimed about half of my seat all the while looking innocently around pretending not to notice anything was going on. I knew the only way to get more of my seat was to sit tight and feel uncomfortable with him rubbing his leg against mine in an all to homosexual way. I won when after about 20 minutes of small battles he conceded a minor defeat and retreated more to his seat leaving me with what he obviously thought was a generous 3 quarters of a seat. I think it was because I had decided to play a little dirty and put my elbow in the ribs lined up in my territory. He then proceeded to attempt to sleep and to make sure he didn't get too comfortable in my seat I went about replaying his kindness by giving him an accidental elbow and the corner of my hard cover book in his arm. For the next 2 hrs it was as such me having a little giggle content in the knowledge I would let him sleep soundly and could play some games with him. He then realised his folly and allowed me graciously the full use of my seat which I promptly didn't want and went as far to the side of my away from him just so he would notice and be annoyed that I had wanted it in the first place.